Kind thanks for the feedback everybody.
It is appreciated. The posts are all enlightening in their own way.
I would like to say in advance that Iím not trying to be unfair toward anybodyÖ if I was, then I wouldnít be having the thoughts Iím having nor writing about the matter here. Sheís pretty, yes; I do find myself interested in her due to the person she is too. As I say though, I do recognise that there are be underlying factors relating to me which may mean its for the best I donít let things go any further than good friendship with herÖ ie. her age, and the issue of my ex.
I haven't been on here very long, so I'm unfamiliar with the past issues you guys are talking about. Is this an asexuality kind of thing? If it's something that will affect the relationship, you should definitely talk to her about it at some point before things get too deep.
Yes, this is an asexuality thing. I have Ďissuesí shall we say when it comes to the physical romance departmentÖ which for a guy my age has been rather embarrassing as well as confidence undermining. With my ex it caused issues and tension between us, making me feel inadequate at times. I donít mean to criticise her, but she wasnít the most patient nor understanding on the matter. She'd never had to deal with the situation before in a partner. I was a young man and like all the others I should have been able to do certain things, end of. She took my problems as a personal offence (for which I was slapped angrily on one occasion) or at times I was said to be weak, or perhaps gay. It all does nothing to boost your confidence and in the end I found even the idea of attempting it with her stressful and offputting because of the fear of disappointing her. It played a part in killing the relationship. I really did try my best to make her feel happy and loved. I wasn't able to do that for her and I do feel sorry for letting her down. I did try to apologise for my failings after we broke up to let her know this was about me, not her.
Briefly put, I have nerve damage which affects parts of my body. What this is due to, I donít know. But in certain areas it was diagnosed when I was still a child. As a baby I did suffer a stroke, so I guess that could be a cause. Iím almost blind in one eye. The stroke hasnít affected my IQ or mental abilities (Iím a college graduate): and to look at me, or chat to me, you would never know my past. However, I guess its lasting effects may have been the nerve damage in parts of my body. Like most stroke suffers, I tend to tire out more easily than many during the course of the day (being young, most folks write it off as laziness).
At night that also means I'm often not in the mood for love, lol.
I know any woman who ever gets involved with me is going to have to be patient, understanding. In turn I have a duty to be honest early on. Frankly, I donít expect any woman of my age to put up with my issues at this stage in their lives. There are a lot of more interesting and better looking guys out there on the market than what I have to offer with my issues. There are much easier options for partner material out there.
After a lot of thought and re-reading of the contributions here, i think, for now, the best (and fairest) thing for me to do for now would be to continue a friendship with this girl like the one we have.
I donít want to spoil it. I donít want to lose her. And I certainly donít want to hurt her by pulling her into the messy situation regarding my remaining feelings for my ex. As you say, Alecia, this is her first experience and she deserves someone who can guarantee her all of their feelings, all of who they are. I'd like that lucky person to be me, maybe it could be... yet for now, I think its best if i continue to heal. if its meant to be then hopefully she'll be happy to wait a bit longer on me. Its better being cautious and doing the right thing than messing around with someoneís deepest feelings. I donít want to risk damaging someone else because of my own issues right now.
If we meet, it wonít be for many many months; probably nearer the end of this year. For now I think friendship is the way to go. Keep things safe as they are. Even if I have the good fortune to meet her, it should be as friends so she feels no pressure if she has second thoughts about me after spending time with me. You cannot truly get a feel for someone until youíve met them in real life and spent a bit of time with them. Sometimes, a pair of folks can seem great together online yet when they finally meet the chemistry just doesnít bond well. Thatís natural. Being calm and gradual about it all in a mature way is the best way to ensure something rewarding in the long term comes out of things, for the both of us.