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I haven't been on here very long, so I'm unfamiliar with the past issues you guys are talking about. Is this an asexuality kind of thing? If it's something that will affect the relationship, you should definitely talk to her about it at some point before things get too deep.
Yes, this is an asexuality thing. I have Ďissuesí shall we say when it comes to the physical romance departmentÖ which for a guy my age has been rather embarrassing as well as confidence undermining. With my ex it caused issues and tension between us, making me feel inadequate at times. I donít mean to criticise her, but she wasnít the most patient nor understanding on the matter. She'd never had to deal with the situation before in a partner. I was a young man and like all the others I should have been able to do certain things, end of. She took my problems as a personal offence (for which I was slapped angrily on one occasion) or at times I was said to be weak, or perhaps gay. It all does nothing to boost your confidence and in the end I found even the idea of attempting it with her stressful and offputting because of the fear of disappointing her. It played a part in killing the relationship. I really did try my best to make her feel happy and loved. I wasn't able to do that for her and I do feel sorry for letting her down. I did try to apologise for my failings after we broke up to let her know this was about me, not her.Briefly put, I have nerve damage which affects parts of my body. What this is due to, I donít know. But in certain areas it was diagnosed when I was still a child. As a baby I did suffer a stroke, so I guess that could be a cause. Iím almost blind in one eye. The stroke hasnít affected my IQ or mental abilities (Iím a college graduate): and to look at me, or chat to me, you would never know my past. However, I guess its lasting effects may have been the nerve damage in parts of my body. Like most stroke suffers, I tend to tire out more easily than many during the course of the day (being young, most folks write it off as laziness). At night that also means I'm often not in the mood for love, lol. I know any woman who ever gets involved with me is going to have to be patient, understanding. In turn I have a duty to be honest early on. Frankly, I donít expect any woman of my age to put up with my issues at this stage in their lives. There are a lot of more interesting and better looking guys out there on the market than what I have to offer with my issues. There are much easier options for partner material out there.
Ah, I understand now. I consider myself asexual, though mine isn't due to medical issues. My experience in the matter is that it's much better to find someone else that is also asexual to be with in the long term. I've been with guys that weren't, and though they tried, it didn't take long before all of them wanted more. Now, I know not everyone is like this, but all the ones I've been with were. Very frustrating. I always felt I had no hope at being in a relationship for life because of this one thing. Still single, but that's fine, I've made peace with it. I wish you luck in finding the right, understanding person that's meant for you!Also, you've made a respectable choice. My first thought was to tell you to go for it, but you make a very good point- sometimes the chemistry won't be there. I hope it works out for the best, whatever that will be. (:
I think whether or not your asexuality changes in the end is based on your reasons for being such. I do feel like I was born this way and never made the choice, and that's fine, but I also have reasons to not want it. I would never want to do anything that could ever get me pregnant, for example. So that keeps me away too.
I've also only met one other person that didn't want kids and it was a guy. All other girls seem to want them but it just doesn't appeal to me. I kept thinking once I got into my twenties, my opinion on that would change because of motherly instinct or something but I'm 25 now and it's not changing. If anything, I want them even less! I agree, though, that's extremely important in a relationship.That's a lovely way to feel, so hopeful about love. I used to be like that. My first, and only real love, claimed to also be asexual, but (as you know from reading my other thread), he discovered he was gay after a while. That's so heartbreaking for people like us, who think they finally found that rare person and then circumstances change.That's good, though, I mean you can't help who you end up falling for, really.