I've always been a very shy, awkward and clumsy person. I blame much of my social anxiety on isolation and not interacting enough with others (Unless I had to) throughout my child hood and my early adult life, to now.
I have friends, but only two really close friends, who I can I can 'sort of' be myself around.
In Public, it's a nightmare, though; especially at work. I'm always in this state of high alert, whereby I will jump on eye contact with someone. This really distresses me. I'm on Pregabalin and Mirtazapine, but I'm sure I've built a tolerance to both of these meds.
I just can't relax around people. It's like I strongly believe that my anxiety and nervousness is so obvious to overs, so I try to act normal, but this just backfires and makes me act more awkward. Constantly In my head I'm saying to myself: "Act normal!, act normal!, act normal!"
There are only around four people who I work with that I can sort of relax around and even then I still have this awkwardness, this overwhelming fear of their views on me. It's like everything I say is rehearsed, because I just couldn't risk saying things off the top of my head. I also think people think I'm a bit slow, although I'm definitely not- I graduated last year with a 2:1 degree in Business, so academically I did excel, yet I still always worry that overs think I'm stupid or 'not all there'.
How can I shake this horrible sense of paranoia?