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Author Topic: Can Not Continue In This State of mind  (Read 357 times)

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Offline AP151

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Can Not Continue In This State of mind
« on: April 10, 2014, 10:13:15 AM »
I'm losing control of my fears. They even bring me to tears at times. Each twitch/buzz in my left foot causes an adrenaline rush down my body because I get so afraid of what it may mean. I fear the dreaded 3 letter disease. I don't know how I can go on in this frame of mind. I feel like I'm losing it.

I don't know what to do, my parents won't let me see a neuro, my mom doesn't want me to take anti-depressants, I don't have a theraptist. Every time I manage to calm myself down it lasts all but an hour or two and then I fall back into the trap. I'm just so afraid of ***.
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"To live is rarest thing in the world. Most just simply exist." - Oscar Wilde

"Don't take life so seriously, nobody makes it out alive anyway."

Offline sparx

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Re: Can Not Continue In This State of mind
« Reply #1 on: April 10, 2014, 10:21:48 AM »
I am truly sorry.  I know how you feel; I seem to be caught in the same spiral.  I think that what we have is a form of OCD -- in other words, we feel anxious, but we can't shut the thought off -- we keep thinking about it, and it's truly exhausting.  I have a therapist that has helped me a lot.  If you can't see a therapist, can you at least talk to a general doctor?  The real issue is not the one you're worried about.  The real issue is the worry spiral.  You're in my thoughts - sending you warm wishes!
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Offline AP151

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Re: Can Not Continue In This State of mind
« Reply #2 on: April 10, 2014, 10:58:33 AM »
I went to see my Dr. for a physical to see if he could find anything wrong, but he had an emergency with another patient so he had a freaking medical student examine me. I was so mad.
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"To live is rarest thing in the world. Most just simply exist." - Oscar Wilde

"Don't take life so seriously, nobody makes it out alive anyway."

Offline marc

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Re: Can Not Continue In This State of mind
« Reply #3 on: April 10, 2014, 11:01:54 AM »
ALS is actually pretty rare and your symptoms are not indicative of it anyway.
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Offline Hypo84

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Re: Can Not Continue In This State of mind
« Reply #4 on: April 10, 2014, 01:41:49 PM »
Too bad your parents don't recognize you need therapy.

On the upside, ALS fear won't last more than 6 months since it is very progressive disease and when you see that you are fine then, you will let it go and maybe switch to smth else :P
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Offline Roman

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Re: Can Not Continue In This State of mind
« Reply #5 on: April 10, 2014, 02:57:05 PM »
I agree with you hypo his parents need to address this asap
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Offline sparx

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Re: Can Not Continue In This State of mind
« Reply #6 on: April 10, 2014, 03:10:12 PM »
I was thinking a bit more about this... does is help to know that it is normal for the body to have zips and zaps and odd aches and pains?  That's normal stuff!  What might be helpful is to do this:  think of the HA monster like a car, rushing wildly down a street.  It's not stopping for the normal stoplights.  You need to take action to get it to stop (ie, chop a tree down across the road!)  How do you do that?  By distraction!  Find something that you love - maybe it's a book, or music, or a run in the park.  Maybe it's doing crossword puzzles or jumping jacks.  Just keep thinking, "I'm stopping that stupid HA!"  I know it's hard -- I even keep my ipod near the bed at night to listen to music in case I wake up.  It helps derail the thoughts.  Hang in there - you are okay!!!!
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Offline soaringfalcon

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Re: Can Not Continue In This State of mind
« Reply #7 on: April 10, 2014, 06:02:02 PM »
I'm so sorry.  My parents wouldn't let me get treated for HA either.  It wasn't until I was well into adulthood before I got enough courage to seek treatment for myself.

Did you tell the medical student that you suffer from HA?
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Offline AP151

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Re: Can Not Continue In This State of mind
« Reply #8 on: April 10, 2014, 06:03:57 PM »
Yes, I told him. We made jokes about it but it's only funny in that office. When I leave and have nobody in the room to tell me my fears are misguided than it becomes this uncontrollable chain of fear and physical manifestations.
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"To live is rarest thing in the world. Most just simply exist." - Oscar Wilde

"Don't take life so seriously, nobody makes it out alive anyway."

Offline soaringfalcon

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Re: Can Not Continue In This State of mind
« Reply #9 on: April 10, 2014, 06:49:22 PM »
I know exactly what you mean.  You need to break the circle.  Have you tried any thing to stop the thoughts in their tracks?  It's very, very hard to master at first.

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Offline Karloff29

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Re: Can Not Continue In This State of mind
« Reply #10 on: April 10, 2014, 06:57:23 PM »
I find that more than anything the worse cause of fear is myself... The more that I allow myself to get tempted by the "candy" of reassurance and "what if" scenarios, the more I give in to what my anxiety wants me to do - be afraid. I have found that literally talking to yourself about why you aren't suffering from these afflictions really helps.

See, I have muscle twitching all over my body and have been worrying about it non-stop. Even after I have calmed down mentally, my body needs time to catch up, so they are still going to occur for a while.


Write down all the reasons why you aren't afflicted and you'll see that you are really okay. Facts speak louder than fears and those of us who suffer from HA love facts!
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Offline UK Worry Wart

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Re: Can Not Continue In This State of mind
« Reply #11 on: April 11, 2014, 11:24:08 AM »
Can't say enough praise about CBT for dealing with HA, it has helped tremendously with my issues. One of the things that really stuck with me is when my therapist asked me "OK, suppose you do have [insert life threatening disease au du jour], what changes now about how you live your life?" It not only reminds me to appreciate the days that I am healthy, but also that I will tackle any real issues head on and live life even more to the fullest if/when I do face a real threat. The other thing I do is no longer use google to find what might be wrong. The only place I allow myself to search symptoms is on here, and that just shows me how so many people have the same worries as me and are just as healthy. HA is so unfair in that it dominates our thoughts and takes us away from really being present with the ones we love.

And just to feed your reassurance addiction (we are all addicted to it here), I had massive twitches all over my body for a year with no real reason. My fingers, arms, tongue, calves, all twitched enough to easily be seen with the naked eye. That was 6 years ago and I am still here. Right now I am dealing with splinter haemorrhages under my nails and I bet I will be here in another 6 years. But either way, I won't let HA rob me of the time with my wonderful wife, family and friends. Stay strong and remind yourself to enjoy the present and not to dwell in the future, for that will always be uncertain.
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