Maybe, just maybe, you are looking for reasons to try and explain how you are feeling. We all know it is your anxiety making you feel as you do. But your mind might be trying to find other answers. It can happen at times. The boyfriend comes out as the unlucky answer in your mind. Which is a trick of the mind. In such situations always follow your heart. I am sure in your heart you know you really do still love him and you would be lost without him. You might also be questioning his life. Does he deserve better and the likes. We tend to do that at times too. He is with you. He wants to be with you. That is what he thinks and knows is best for him. So you both love each other. You both want to be with each other. Don't let your mind put you on the wrong path. Fill your head with wrong ideas. Go with what is in your heart. That is love for him.