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Author Topic: I need some light friends. GAD + OCD + HOCD (  (Read 226 times)

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Offline bobbyassustado

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I need some light friends. GAD + OCD + HOCD (
« on: April 08, 2014, 11:20:20 PM »
Hi Friends.
First of all, sorry about the english, it's not my native language. And I've never studied English.
I'm 21 years old and i've been suffering from OCD and GAD since, i don't know, 17...
The fact is, it has never been so strong like right now... I feel anxious about pretty much everything, like, for example, Dogs, because the word 'dog' reminds me of a nickname used by a friend years ago in the online game Tibia, and it makes me feel "kept" or "Locked" in the past. Like i'm forever the chubby-14 years old kid I was. So, every single time I see a dog on the street, I feel bad and anxious. I know it makes no sense at all, but these feelings and thoughts are uncontrollable. My mind have his own life/control. That's just one example. Now imagine 100 things like that.

There's also a new worry bothering me. Sexual. Forgive-me about the "+18 things" I will say now.
I'm straight and I've always been straight. I understand the concept of HOCD and I had it years ago. Gay thoughts that used to made me sick, because I only like the woman body. But, a few weeks from now, I started to think about penis.. the penis form, and penis being sucked.
On the first days, these thoughts made me sick. With the days passing by, And the thought never stopping, I started to not feel disgusting anymore. Now, half of my mind seems to even enjoy the penis. It's like 50% of my head still are the person I always was until 21 years old, and 50% became a penis-fan and enjoys licking penises. And even thinks that the penis is beautiful.
Now i can't watch a ***** video without my attention being in the penis... my attention went FROM the girl lips/tongue/mouth, TO the penis.

I don't recognize me anymore, and the fact I'm not sick of it anymore, makes me very depressed, with suicidal thoughts, because I don't like to start enjoying penis all the sudden, and it goes against the HOCD, where the person DON'T like the thoughts... I'm afraid i have turned into a straight guy who also likes penis. 50% of my head tells me that. sometimes 60%. Is it possible? Or the GAD plus HOCD can make me feel like enjoying things I don't really enjoy...?

I also don't feel the same strong attraction i felt for boobies. Since this penis thing started, I look to boobies and feel 10% of what i felt before. Plus Anxious. Is like my head transformed me into a straight girl (???) who likes penises and don't like woman. Help me!

Well.. That's it.. You can imagine it's being pretty hard to live with these things.. the "obsessed with everything" and the penis thing... I feel like i'm living my life just waiting to die now... I will never be myself again... The 100% peaceful and straight that I've always been.


P.S: I don't have, never had, and never will have, any problems with homossexuals. I just don't like being one myself. I never was. It's not for me. Even though right now i don't even know what i am anymore.
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Offline Curiouslywondering

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Re: I need some light friends. GAD + OCD + HOCD (
« Reply #1 on: April 10, 2014, 10:14:02 AM »
Hey guy,

Well I can really sympathize with you, I've had an OCD obsession for years that I baked with, and after a while I questioned myself as to if it was me or the disorder. I mean although they are obviously exaggerated by OCD, isn't my mind the one that created it? And this is where confusion comes in, at this point professional help is needed and sometimes medication too. Once an obsession has sat on your brain for so long is normal to wonder if it's bc you secretly want it, I have a friend that had sexual OCD, do his mind was constantly plagued with sex, images of it, thoughts of it, bring triggered by different sounds and scents, etc He fought it for many years bc he didn't want to feel like a pervert, but the obsession remained. Soon this friend began to delve into deviant taboo  porn and masturbation, but what he realized was once he'd be done he felt awful, hated himself and hated that he enjoyed it so much. He sought counseling and found that the porn and masturbation was actually a form of compulsion and not a real desire. My bit of advice here is that of something causes you pain like this them you obviously don't like it, you're just confused and need to get things in perspective,a license
Professional can help you with that ...
Peace and blessings
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Live life way above the stars because you can't get much closer to God than where you are...

Offline bobbyassustado

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Re: I need some light friends. GAD + OCD + HOCD (
« Reply #2 on: April 10, 2014, 12:36:07 PM »
Hey Curiouslywondering
Thanks very much for your words. really helped me.
I guess you're right. I'll look for some professional care. Mind is a really deep place.
Again, thank you. Peace and blessings for u too  :)
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Offline bobbyassustado

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Re: I need some light friends. GAD + OCD + HOCD (
« Reply #3 on: April 22, 2014, 05:33:50 PM »
I'm wondering, if there is more people in the world who also sympathizes with my case please give me a light.
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