I've gotten stuck in this habit of overanalyzing everything. I've dealt with anxiety for about a year now: the first six months were purely physical symptoms, then I dealt with some pure O obsession which has lead to anxious thoughts and thinking (without physical symptoms for the most part). I know I think myself into this anxiety because when I'm busy or with friends and family, it's basically nonexistent. Anyway, here's a list of what I'm feeling and dealing with:
- Always monitoring emotions and reactions, because I fear depression
- Avoiding negative emotions or things that would make me feel things too intensely
- Derealization. Life seems strange and surroundings look unfamiliar when I've lived in the same area all my life
- Afraid that my anxiety will start to interfere with normal emotional responses. For example, I love to go kayaking in the summer, especially while on vacation at the beach. I worry that while I'm out kayaking and enjoying myself, anxiety will pop into my mind and I'll start worrying about worrying! I won't be able to stay in the moment and fully enjoy it.
- Anxiety about the future and the many life changes I have coming up in the next year: getting married, moving out of my parents house where I've relied on them probably too much, etc.
- Afraid I won't be able to handle adversity or hardships in life
- - Always questioning things, like the purpose of having a job because everyone seems to hate theirs and adulthood seems somewhat miserable for some people, questioning whether or not I should ever have a child, why do humans do what we do, etc.
- Feeling very lost career-wise. My bachelor's degree is useless, so I went back to school for something else but I've realized it's not a good fit for me, so now I've wasted a lot of time (six years out of high school this May) and I don't know what to do. I have to pick something because my future hubby and I need to have a decent income, obviously! There's a lot of pressure to be successful and it doesn't really bother me, but it's kind of embarrassing that I don't have it all figured out when everyone around me seems to already.
Can anyone relate? It seems like when I am alone, these thoughts flood my mind and I can't keep from worrying. I want to learn to live in the present and not worry about all these things, but I don't know how exactly. How can I stop worry about anxiety being a part of my future? How can I stop thinking about it in general?! I really think that if I could just forget I had anxiety, it would almost disappear!