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Author Topic: Will I ever be "normal?"  (Read 218 times)

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Offline Boo.

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Will I ever be "normal?"
« on: April 06, 2014, 07:55:59 PM »
Will I ever be able to feel a pain without panicking?
Have a rash, or a bruise, or a mark, without getting myself overly worried about it?
Hear about a disease or someone being sick around me and not freak out thinking I'm going to get sick?
Eat something without being afraid of choking?

I can't drink caffeine anymore because it makes my heart race (and gives me palpitations), which gave me anxiety attacks every single day. Will I ever be able to drink caffeine again? God, I miss coffee!

Will I ever be able to have kids? If I ever get myself past all of the possible complications and the thought of having to give birth (or go through a c-section... Major abdominal surgery...) I know we'll be at the doctor every single day to make sure everything the baby does is "normal."

Will any of this ever go away?
I wanna be "normal." I wanna live a "normal" life. I wanna accomplish all of my dreams (like getting married and having babies and being happy). Guuuh.
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"Just keep swimming..."

Offline stephtronic

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Re: Will I ever be "normal?"
« Reply #1 on: April 06, 2014, 08:03:57 PM »
It's possible. I promise.

It takes a lot of work and commitment, but you will get there. I did when I never thought I would and am doing all of those things.
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My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

Offline Kmj023

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Re: Will I ever be "normal?"
« Reply #2 on: April 06, 2014, 08:11:59 PM »
Yes you will. I know how it feels to worry about your health.

When I first starting having anxiety and panic attacks, I went a year worried about my heart and every pain I felt made me think it was something serious. I did get out of that. And at the tike I wasn't even on medication. I wasn't happy being that way but I didn't get myself down.


I finally went many years without ever feeling that always again. And here I am several years later and I'm going thru it again. This time real symptoms started my hyperchondria all over again. It started with me feeling off balance and having to wait a while for my dr appt and during that time I googled and that was a mistake. I get anxiety every time I walk cause I feel so unbalanced and forehead pressure and worried I have a tumor or it's a stroke. I see the ent this week. I am telling myself that it's going to be ok cause I'm sick of this anxiety and hyperchondria taking over and yes it's hard but it will pass.


I wish there was more for me to say cause you sound like you have a  harder time than I do. Have you tried self help books? 
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"The only illness that we can't accept is hypochondria."

"Never Google, everyone will catch an invisible tumor!"

"Anxiety is not a doctor. Neither is the internet."

Actual diagnosis : chronic sinusitis.
Google diagnosis : brain cancer.

Symptoms : dizzy head feeling.

Offline Boo.

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Re: Will I ever be "normal?"
« Reply #3 on: April 06, 2014, 08:58:18 PM »
Thanks, both of you! I feel like lately, I just really need some kind of HOPE that things will get better. It's so hard, you know?! I feel like I'm going crazy.. lol. And I'm so afraid to tell people about my fears because they don't really understand it (my mom thinks I'm making it up, I don't want to scare my boyfriend away, my friends think it's just regular anxiety so they're like "oh just calm down you're fine") and keeping it bottled up doesn't help either. But coming on here makes me feel bad because I can't open other people's posts and reply to them without freaking out that I have whatever they're afraid of too... OMG. I can't wait until I can see the therapist next week... Knowing nothing will be "immediate help" is so disappointing though. I wish there was a pill.. Or a cream.. You know... LOL. Why can't mental nuisances be as "easy" to take care of as physical nuisances (like rashes)?!! Plus if it's in MY head, why can't I control it?!! Grrrrr!!

I wish there was more for me to say cause you sound like you have a  harder time than I do. Have you tried self help books?

I haven't... I wouldn't even know what kinds of books to get. I'm not really huge on reading anyways though, I'd probably skim through it and get bored because it's not giving me "immediate help." I feel like I do that a lot... lol. Which I know is awful, but with work, school, and just other life stuff, I usually feel like I don't have time or patience for a book. :/ I can't even get myself to read the required text for my homework... LOL! Do you have any book suggestions, though? Maybe if it's something that'll actually help me, it'll interest me a little more than homework things that aren't at all relevant to me....
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"Just keep swimming..."

Offline stephtronic

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Re: Will I ever be "normal?"
« Reply #4 on: April 06, 2014, 11:17:31 PM »
Nothing may help immediately, but really working with your therapist on your anxiety and alone over time will be immensely helpful in the longrun, which is what you REALLY want. Some people find medication helpful as well. (Zoloft has assisted me immensely with my severe OCD + health anxiety.)

From my personal experience: I was in medical school and had to drop out because I couldn't handle it with health anxiety. I was basically bedridden with my anxiety for months. I thought I'd be that way forever. That I'd never think I was fine and not dying. That nothing would help. Etc. I got the help I needed, though, and I'm back in medical school. I also recently got married. AND I drink coffee every day. You'll get there! Just work hard.

YOU can be in control.  :yes:
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My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

Offline bittersweetlife

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Re: Will I ever be "normal?"
« Reply #5 on: April 07, 2014, 10:09:54 AM »
Oh hun i feel your pain! I am so much in despair too. I don't know what is real anymore. Kept thinking that something bad is going to happen to me!

I feel so sick physically and mentally of this! I feel like i am trap in someone else's master plan and all I'm really doing is dying. Can't stand this anymore! The anxiety? The stress? Fear.

But i still look in the bright side, thinking someday everything is going to be fine. Hang in there dear, you are going to be fine, we are going to be fine!

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"There's a time & a place to die.. but this ain't it"

Hakuna Matata - "It means no worries"

“Anxiety's like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you very far.” - Jodi Picoult, Sing You Home

Offline shaula

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Re: Will I ever be "normal?"
« Reply #6 on: April 07, 2014, 12:14:10 PM »
Hello,

Take it from me that it is a constant battle...I know I am not well now, but I am better than I was before. I like to set little goals for myself...if I set myself the goal of being normal from one day to the next, I get kind of let down. But if I take moments, small victories over my anxiety, then I know I am making strides. Looking back, I know I have been worse. Looking forward, I see I have lots more to work on. But in the moment, I am trying and I will keep trying. Wishing you well :) :action-smiley-065:
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Everything will be alright in the end. If it's not alright, it's not the end.

Hold on if you feel like letting go.

Offline Alexk1989

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Re: Will I ever be "normal?"
« Reply #7 on: April 07, 2014, 01:01:25 PM »
You can and you will...I can relate to your coffee concerns. They jumped out at me because I was like that when I had my heart fear (I have a mild case of arrhythmia) I dropped coffee and everything. But then I slowly picked it back up. You should just monitor the amount of coffee you drink.
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Offline Blueberry

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Re: Will I ever be "normal?"
« Reply #8 on: April 07, 2014, 01:29:25 PM »
This is relevant to me as well. I want to go back to my carefree life, not contemplating my lifespan or worrying about every single thing that bugs me. I know it'll happen eventually but it's hard and will take a while.

I find that when I start thinking bad thoughts it's best to replace them ASAP and avoid any triggers, no matter how small or mundane. You need to distract yourself and confirm to yourself you're fine; if that doesn't work then try to ignore it all.
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