Hello everyone...my name is Gina...nice to meet y'all.
Almost 2 years ago, I started having panic attacks. I didn't really realize at the time that's what it was. I was in a meeting at work in a cubicle, and was feeling just fine. Suddenly, during the meeting, I felt like I was going to faint, lose control...it was a horrible feeling. I held on to the desk and kept my cool and tried to focus until it was over. The next week while I was driving home on the highway, I had another one. I felt like I was going to lose control of the car. Those continued after that, espcially on the highway. They eventually diminished. Then I noticed I was having them occasionally as I was falling asleep. I started having some health problems (headaches, backaches, body pains) and I started stressing about those. Health anxiety was through the roof for months. I gained alot of weight back because I wasn't exercising like before due to back pain. That kind of ruined my self image. Recently, I went through a job transition, where I ended up coming back to my old job because my new one was just horrible. lol During that transition, we lost one of our friends unexpectedly, the same age (33). My panic attacks started again, worse than before. I was napping one day on the couch and literally woke up gasping for air like I was drowning. 2 weeks later, I start to feel very anxious one day while we were upgrading our phones. I felt like I was going to lose control, run out, who knows.
Since then, it's escalated into intrusive thoughts, which I have had before(and conquered). The difference is, I've never had violent or suicidal ones that stuck. Mainly everything else stuck except those kind. But now they are. It's mainly focused on my husband and myself. One day, while we were driving down the highway, I had this horrible intrusive thought to jump out of the car. It felt like I was fighting it off, even thought that's not at all what I want to do. I had him get off the highway because it was so intense. My husband is very supportive, and wants me to get better of course. I sleep ok, but wake up in full anxiety mode and feel very strange. About 2 weeks ago I started taking the generic version of Lexapro, but requested the name brand instead. They can't give me the name brand until the 12th so I'm taking 5mg of the generic until then. It's helped to calm the panic attacks but still struggling with the thoughts and overall anxiety. I want to work up to 10 mg and see how that goes.
I am known for being the one who smiles constantly, people even nickname me Joy and Sunshine. I'm ready to get back there. I have a strong faith in Jesus Christ and know that I will get through this. This is just a really rough time and I am looking for support and advice. Thank you for reading. xo :)