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Offline Lo213

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Really bad day
« on: April 04, 2014, 12:12:53 PM »
I need somebody to help me.  I just know that I'm having a heart attack.  This morning I had unusually bad chest, arm, and jaw pains.  They didn't go away at work.  Like they'd go for awhile and then come back, and they were accompanied by sweating.  THEN when I was leaving work the pain in my jaw got REALLY bad, and now it's in my lower jaw and ears.  Now I'm home alone with my baby.  I keep repeating to myself that it's probably just gas and/or acid reflux, but my anxiety brain is not buying it.  I'm so close to calling 911 but I don't know what they'd' do with my baby.  My husband would be pissed if he had to leave work.  But this feels so real and so serious.  I'm terrified and crying.  I'm taking buspar but so far have not noticed any difference.  I can't live like this anymore.  It's really starting to get in the way of my relationship with my husband because he's tired of it.  I totally understand.  I really do.  But I can't control myself when I'm having symptoms.  ANd I can't trust that my heart is OK because I don't trust any of the tests.  It's ruining my life. 
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Online forever young

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Re: Really bad day
« Reply #1 on: April 04, 2014, 12:19:02 PM »
I  am sorry to hear this we have talked before. you have had this before and the tested didn't show anything. I feel you are okay. I have had some of the same fears. how long have you had these symptoms? it is strange how are minds can create this. once we get afraid they get worse. try to keep yourself busy. is there anyone you can call and talk to? hope you get to feeling better
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Offline Lo213

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Re: Really bad day
« Reply #2 on: April 04, 2014, 12:49:10 PM »
Thanks for the response.  Yes, I've had similar symptoms before.  My problem is that once I get over one particular symptom, it changes just enough to make me question what's causing it.  It will be a different type of pain, like burning or sharp or achy….and/or it will change how it comes on….for example in the past all of my jaw pain has been in my back teeth, but this time it was my whole lower jaw, but not my teeth.  So my brain says "well, THIS could be what a heart attack feels like".  And then I want to go get it checked out.  But, when I do get it checked out, I don't really believe them.  I don't trust EKG's because they don't get ALL heart attacks.  I don't trust the blood tests because they never do multiple tests over 12-24 hours to check for rising enzymes.  It's so sad that I'm not able to get over this.  I'm missing out on what could be the best days of my life because I"m crippled in fear.  I'm trying keep thinking positively that the Buspar will help, but I'm having a hard time believing that because it says it's for mild to moderate anxiety, and I definitely have SEVERE anxiety.  But it's all they will give me while pregnant.  It kind of has to work or else I'm doomed for the next 4 months at least. 
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Offline JenBNimble

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Re: Really bad day
« Reply #3 on: April 04, 2014, 01:02:58 PM »
Oh my goodness I was literally about to post something almost identical. Looks like we are pretty much in the same boat today  :(
I've been having pains in my upper back and lower left ribs, and I'm convinced it's my heart. I've also had a number of cardio tests done in the past, and even though they came back normal it's hard to trust them. And I'm also home alone with my two young children, so that just adds to the worry. Chances are that neither one of us is actually having a heart attack right now. I think we both need to try to distract ourselves with something and give our brains a chance to calm down. Although I know that's easier said than done  ::)
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Offline annaki

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Re: Really bad day
« Reply #4 on: April 04, 2014, 01:16:53 PM »
oh girls!!!!  i am in the same boat!!!!  i keep having chest pain and it freaks me out so much.  I am convinced i am dying but of cancer instead of heart attack.  you guys really are too young (and so am i! i have a 10 month old) to have heart problems.  it is exceedingly rare unless you have a family history of young people dying of it.  EKG are pretty good (yes they don't get them all but they pick up most of them) and if blood tests are also pretty good (even just 1 is helpful depending on time of onset of chest pain).  this is all info i got from a very good cardiologist. 
you are ok i feel.  now tell me the same thing  :sprachlos020: because i'm scared out of my mind and can't stop.
i'm also ruining my life and the best years of it (in my 30s)....my husband is frustrated, my parents are frustrated...and i feel that i'm missing out on some of my daughter's life because i'm so anxious that i'm not paying real attention to her.  this fear is awful isn't it?
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Offline Lo213

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Re: Really bad day
« Reply #5 on: April 04, 2014, 01:42:35 PM »
I wish we could all hang out!  This fear is terrible.  My son is a year old and he's so much fun (well, to everyone but me because I'm too preoccupied with my imminent death to really enjoy him).  Sometimes I just look at him and burst into tears because of everything I'm missing and everything I fear I'll miss in the future.  And in the rare moments when I'm feeling okay, I start to wonder when the pain and fear is going to set in again.  It's really a nightmare.  I do believe that most of my problems are probably from acid reflux, however, I'm not seeing any improvement with the meds so my anxiety says "well then it must not be your stomach, must be your heart".  And while I can find some things that say that arm pain can be caused from GERD, I can't seem to find anything really confirming that the jaw pain could be from it, too. 

My poor husband just doesn't understand the fear that comes when I'm having pain.  I mean sometimes the pain is so bad that I almost fall to the ground.  Like this morning it was awful.  All in my arms and jaw at the same time.  I FROZE in fear.  And hardly got through work because all I could think about was that THIS time was IT.  I was really hoping once I got going at work that it would dissipate, but it didn't.  And I compare it to all of the stories I've read (before I quit google) about people having heart attacks and blaming them on other things.  Or how the symptoms came and went for days….or how they were misdiagnosed as having gerd or anxiety because of their age and gender….

I could just scream.  And kick and cry.  Actually, I am crying.  My son is having such a great time laughing and playing with his toys and is practicing making new sounds, and I'm almost shaking in fear that this will be the day I die and thinking about how he'll have to grow up without me. 
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Offline annaki

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Re: Really bad day
« Reply #6 on: April 04, 2014, 02:44:45 PM »
its eerie how similar we are.  i felt like crying last night watching her sleep because i keep thinking i won't live to see her grow up.  its so freaking sad :(
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Offline JenBNimble

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Re: Really bad day
« Reply #7 on: April 04, 2014, 03:28:09 PM »
I really think hormones played a big role in intensifying my anxiety. I've always been an anxious person, but it got SO much worse after my first was born (she's 3 now), and I've never quite got it under control. I do have a lot of good days, but also plenty of days where it's just debilitating and I feel like a total failure as a mom.

I hope you ladies feel better this afternoon! My pains seem to have gone, so I'm going to try to do something fun with the kids. Sending positive vibes your way!!
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Offline Lo213

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Re: Really bad day
« Reply #8 on: April 04, 2014, 06:29:53 PM »
Thanks for the positive vibes.  I found some friends to stop by for a few hours and it helped a little.  I felt really bad when they were first here, but gradually got better.  They just left and now I'm trying to decide if I should go to the ER when my husband gets home.  This sucks.  The problem is that I've read stories where people who've had heart attacks say their symptoms came and went all day until it finally got so bad they knew they had to go in, so I'm afraid that that's what my symptoms are.  I'm afraid that this mornings incident WAS a heart attack, and if I go now they can save me before it gets too bad.  And if I were to go tonight, it would be 12 hours after the initial symptoms, so I'd feel confident in the blood tests being accurate.  Then, either they save my life, or I get relief knowing that todays events weren't my heart.  But, if I go, I have to deal with the judgmental doctors and nurses who don't understand my anxiety at all and lecture me on how I'm fine and need to get my anxiety under control.  Well DUH.  I'm trying, but, in the mean time, that doesn't mean I can't have anything happen to me.  And, like my husband likes to point out, I can't just keep running to the ER because any relief I get is short lived.  But, I don't want to miss a real emergency because I'm afraid of being blown off or feel made fun of.  If I don't go I know tomorrow it will bother me all day and I'll be alone with the baby again, and therefore unable to go.  I just know that I'll never be able to tell the difference between a real heart attack and my stupid anxiety symptoms so I'll always have this doubt in my mind making me anxious. 
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Offline Lo213

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Re: Really bad day
« Reply #9 on: April 05, 2014, 08:11:07 AM »
Well I didn't go to the ER last night but now that my husband is getting ready to go to work I'm really wishing I had. I feel dizzy, there's pain in my jaw and arm, and I'm having trouble breathing. I don't understand why I can't ever wake up happy and pain free!  Now every morning the pain and worry starts from the second I open my eyes. I just can't do this anymore.
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Offline Lo213

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Re: Really bad day
« Reply #10 on: April 06, 2014, 10:44:20 AM »
It's even worse today.  My elbows and jaw keep aching so bad that I can't even stand up.  This has to be my heart.  The pain keeps coming and going in waves.  I wish my husband was home so if I drop dead someone will be here to care for my baby. 
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Offline annaki

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Re: Really bad day
« Reply #11 on: April 06, 2014, 12:11:43 PM »
I am sure you are ok!! It's so weird I told my husband something so similar. I told him that if I collapse, he should tell the paramedics that I have a pulmonary embolism or something wrong with my heart. I also think u have a giant tumor in my chest. I am convinced of it actually.
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