I feel like I'm done. My brain doesn't want to trust any EKG or Stress Test that tells me i'm fine, when I see so many stories on the internet that unless you have a catheter, you'll never know if you have a blockage. And that even at my age, I'm susceptible, and my cholesterol numbers are not great. HDL is below 40.
My arms feel so weak I feel like a kitten, I can barely lift my left arm and it's sore. My heart is in a thumping rhythm, I can see it quite visibly and easily. I have bad chest pain unrelieved by many measures(Klonopin, Toradol...heat...cold) that I've never felt in my life.
I've felt it where I know it's coming from my back, but this time, I get MAJOR pain every now and then in my left arm. I was at the ER last night, EKG'd and discharged. Getting a holter monitor and exercise stress test. I feel like I'm not going to even make it to those appointments. I feel like I'm going to drop dead any second. My stomach is extremely sick too. My hypochondria is through the roof.
I went on a low carb diet late 2012, and lost quite a bit of weight, but I also started to notice my heart beat thump and change. It hasn't felt the same. I was eating a lot of fat, and I totally bought in to the Atkins theories. I have a feeling that all the fat I took in during that time, I clogged my arteries really badly.
I'm ranting I know. I just want to give up. I'm crying constantly. I never do that. I am a burden on everyone and myself. But I'm so afraid of death I wouldn't do anything anyways,
All I know is one thing: I hate my life. I hate it. I'm in my bed wondering when my next heartbeat is going to be my last. I have no fight. I'm the worst person. Maybe I deserve this.