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Author Topic: Ladies: Annual Woman C-word Anxiety Attack...Feel Ready To Die : (  (Read 169 times)

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Offline VeryScary

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Well it's that time of year again: Time for me to become convinced again that I am dying of cervical c-word. This started in 2012 and it hasn't let up since.

I could get into all of the details of my alleged symptoms, etc. but at some point, that just becomes reassurance-seeking. The pertinent details are that I have never had an abnormal pap smear and I've been getting tested both for evidence of c-word (pap) AND for the disease that causes cervical c-word since Jan. 2012. I've had four tests during that time for which I got results; I went for two others but told them not to do a pap during both. I did have HPV in Jan. 2012, and that really started this cycle.

This has taken over my entire life. Today was around the one-year mark since the last round of tests and I started panicking. I stepped outside my office and began crying, sweating, breathing heavily. I feel like I absolutely have to run get tested TODAY so that I can know for sure that I'm ok. Or at least ok for the next 12 months.

I'm seeing an ERP therapist weekly; I called her and we moved my appt from Thursday to today. She has wanted me to hold off on testing for a few months; this would expose me to the perceived threat, without putting me in some super serious risk.

But I'm not doing well. I've been consulting Dr. Google all day. Can't work. Crying. Feel like I want to die. If I have to live like this, why go on living????

I just need something today...I'm not sure what... something to make me feel like it's worth it to even be here  :traurig001: :traurig001: :traurig001: :traurig001: :traurig001:
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Offline 2jrts

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Re: Ladies: Annual Woman C-word Anxiety Attack...Feel Ready To Die : (
« Reply #1 on: April 01, 2014, 03:50:02 PM »
I was just at my gynecologist on Friday. He told me that colon, cervical and some other cancer (can't remember the other one) are the only three preventable cancers. In his practice of over 30 years he has seen only two cases of cervical cancer, and both were from women who had never had pap smears. You had a pap last year. I believe cervical cancer is slow growing, and if they detect abnormal cells with your pap, then they can take care of it before it develops.
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Offline VeryScary

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Re: Ladies: Annual Woman C-word Anxiety Attack...Feel Ready To Die : (
« Reply #2 on: April 01, 2014, 04:01:22 PM »
Thanks for taking a sec to reply. Believe it or not, I felt fine this morning. Then around 10 it hit...and by 1, I was thinking about whether I felt like living anymore. For two years, I've not spent a moment not thinking this deadly disease was in my body, slowly killing me.

I'm supposed to be working on ERP therapy - but I'm worried now that "not" getting tested is so panic inducing that it's too high on my ERP hierarchy?
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Offline 2jrts

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Re: Ladies: Annual Woman C-word Anxiety Attack...Feel Ready To Die : (
« Reply #3 on: April 01, 2014, 04:13:03 PM »
I just got done with a complete year's worth of worrying I had uterine cancer. A year! Practically every day it was on my mind and I was constantly checking for symptoms. That's why I ended up at the gynecologist. I told him of my fear and he did an ultrasound, with the "threat" of worse tests if the ultrasound revealed a thickened endometrium. Thankfully everything looked great on the ultrasound - phew! I completely understand how consuming a worry like this can be. Just know that if you stick with your yearly paps, they will catch anything before it has a chance to do any harm.

If it's been a year, why don't you go get tested?  Once your test comes back normal, you can relax. I know nothing about ERP therapy but, if you are due, I don't see why you shouldn't get it done.
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Offline Potatoes

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« Reply #4 on: April 01, 2014, 04:17:35 PM »
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No more love on the run..

Offline VeryScary

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Re: Ladies: Annual Woman C-word Anxiety Attack...Feel Ready To Die : (
« Reply #5 on: April 01, 2014, 04:57:42 PM »
I just got done with a complete year's worth of worrying I had uterine cancer. A year! Practically every day it was on my mind and I was constantly checking for symptoms. That's why I ended up at the gynecologist. I told him of my fear and he did an ultrasound, with the "threat" of worse tests if the ultrasound revealed a thickened endometrium. Thankfully everything looked great on the ultrasound - phew! I completely understand how consuming a worry like this can be. Just know that if you stick with your yearly paps, they will catch anything before it has a chance to do any harm.

If it's been a year, why don't you go get tested?  Once your test comes back normal, you can relax. I know nothing about ERP therapy but, if you are due, I don't see why you shouldn't get it done.

That's the rub: Exposure Response Prevention therapy works by  making you sit with your fear. So a person who is afraid to not check the stove has to NOT check the stove. They might be allowed to check it, say, several hours later. But in that instant when they need the immediate gratification of checking, they have to fight through it. It's supposed to make you live with the "threat" and realize it's not real.

For a hypo, since there is a chance that things really can be going on, you wouldn't necessarily be told never to go to a doc...more like, for me, when I decide that I need to leave work and run to a doc, I'm urged to say, put it off for a week.

This is VERY hard for me. I can't figure out which exposure is OK. And right now, honestly, I feel like I'm just destined to have this same break down every year - assuming I live. And that's sounding depressing.
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Offline soaringfalcon

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Re: Ladies: Annual Woman C-word Anxiety Attack...Feel Ready To Die : (
« Reply #6 on: April 01, 2014, 07:27:44 PM »
Cervical cancer is probably one of the best cancers to get.  It's sooooo treatable!!!  My cousin was diagnosed with cervical cancer when she was pregnant with her first child.  They did the LEEP procedure, put a stitch in her cervix, and she delivered a healthy full term baby.  She's gone on to have 2 other kids and she's perfectly fine.

That said, have you considered CBT instead of ERP?  Or perhaps trying medication?  You don't have to live like this!!  You can treat anxiety.
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Offline cravenmobile

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Re: Ladies: Annual Woman C-word Anxiety Attack...Feel Ready To Die : (
« Reply #7 on: April 01, 2014, 07:38:03 PM »
I'm sorry you are afraid, I hope you feel better soon.
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