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Author Topic: just a little rant about HA  (Read 211 times)

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Online chunkymonkey

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just a little rant about HA
« on: March 31, 2014, 07:51:22 PM »
Hey guys, i just wanted to write a little rant about HA if you guys don't mind...Im just so sick and tired of spending each second, minute, hour, day googling symptoms and freaking about what disease or cancer i have.. I know 99.9% of you here will relate to this. I am pretty new to anxiety. Had my first panic attack in september and was a hypochondriac ever since then. In just 4 months, i spent $3000 on just medical bills because I kept thinking I had a heart disease, which luckily my heart is fine. Now I am worrying about sinus cancer because I have sinus infection, brain tumor, MS, parkinson's, etc. I know its impossible to have all these at the same time but i always put myself in that 1% of possibility. I was born with a heart defect and I read online that 1 out of 500 babies are born with the defect. I always ask myself why I had to be that 1 baby. This is why even though I read that diseases and cancers are rare. I always think I fall into that rare category. I know this might sound bad but sometimes, I would tell myself that if i did die of some sort of disease, then I wont have to deal with this health anxiety anymore. But at the same time, Im always scared of dying. Im only 23 years old and I still have a long way to go. Im scared to go to the health center at school because I go there so frequently that all the drs and nurses know my name and its embarrassing. I cant even concentrate in class because I would just wonder what kind of illness I have and research about it rather than paying attention in class. I cant even sleep because I'll think about it all night and wake myself with a panic attack. It just sickens me and I just want it to go away. My counselor tells me to stop googling but its easier said than done. I know this post isn't considered a health issue but I just wanted to post this because I dont have anyone else to talk to and I just want everything to be normal again. Thanks guys for reading and hope we can beat health anxiety together!
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Offline Sunlover

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Re: just a little rant about HA
« Reply #1 on: March 31, 2014, 08:36:42 PM »
If you feel you MUST google (and yes it's almost like an OCD thing!), don't google a symptom by itself - suppose you are worried about let's say chest tightness, then google "Anxiety chest tightness"  you'll only get hits related to that only.  Start with the word anxiety.
And I totally understand you thinking you will be the rare case!   I worry all the time about various cancers and I'm older and can't comfort myself anymore with "Oh I'm too young for that!"  (which is what I used to do when younger and I'd be OK then), my husband always says, "Your parents have NO health problems at all!  Neither did your Grandparents!  You have healthy genes!"  And they didn't/don't have any health problems, my Grandmother just died last year at 103!  Just old age, she didn't even have high blood pressure.  But then I say, "But NO one in the family on either side has bad eyes!  I was the FIRST, so I can be the first with breast cancer, the first with colon cancer, the first with ANY of the cancers"  and both my parents are only children, how do I know what cancers their brothers and sisters would have had?  (he has nothing to say to that because he knows I'm right)
Do you have any "remissions"?  (times when you feel happy and aren't worried?) 
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Offline raidero

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Re: just a little rant about HA
« Reply #2 on: March 31, 2014, 10:25:55 PM »
Thank you so much for suggesting googling by putting anxiety first. I never thought of that. I dont google at all because I get more anxious and I will get to a near panic attack. I have HA and lately it has been worse. I have doctor appointment this wednesday with my gyn, I had one last Thursday with my family physician and i am still very anxious. I am consumed with worry. I have symptoms that reappeared after being symtom free for few months. I had a gyn surgery in December and was feeling good. A couple weeks ago symptoms again and anxiety level up the roof. Oh and also I am going thru menopause (I am 51 years old). So I am a mess, it is depressing. Sorry for going on and on.
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Offline Jenin

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Re: just a little rant about HA
« Reply #3 on: March 31, 2014, 10:37:22 PM »
I completely relate to this. For the last two weeks I have been paralyzed with fear because I have a pain in my side under my to cage. Was sure I had some kind of cancer-- maybe liver.  Dr. said it's nothing, but it won't go away. Then I feel sharp pains in my throat-- thinking I have throat cancer or maybe liver cancer that has metastasized to my throat.   It's always something-- or five things. I also feel sometimes the way you do-- well, if the worst happened maybe it's ok. Since I spend my life consumed with this it's hardly worth living.  I started therapy so I am hoping that will help.
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Offline raidero

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Re: just a little rant about HA
« Reply #4 on: March 31, 2014, 10:44:52 PM »
I will also start therapy soon. I went to therapist last year for a month then I had surgery and I havent gone back but now I am in need of therapy again and of course I m desperate. I pray i can get appointment soon. Good luck with therapy.
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Offline Sunlover

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Re: just a little rant about HA
« Reply #5 on: April 01, 2014, 05:48:45 AM »
Thank you so much for suggesting googling by putting anxiety first. I never thought of that. I dont google at all because I get more anxious and I will get to a near panic attack. I have HA and lately it has been worse. I have doctor appointment this wednesday with my gyn, I had one last Thursday with my family physician and i am still very anxious. I am consumed with worry. I have symptoms that reappeared after being symtom free for few months. I had a gyn surgery in December and was feeling good. A couple weeks ago symptoms again and anxiety level up the roof. Oh and also I am going thru menopause (I am 51 years old). So I am a mess, it is depressing. Sorry for going on and on.

I'm in menopause...  SO many things I believe are menopause related, so you can also start a google search with "menopause" and then the symptom!
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Offline 2jrts

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Re: just a little rant about HA
« Reply #6 on: April 01, 2014, 07:08:31 AM »
One more chorus to the voice of menopause causing SO many weird health things that didn't exist before. I'm 2.5 years in and it has not been a fun ride for me.

To the OP: I agree with Sunlover, if you must google, never google the symptom alone. Always add "anxiety" or "benign" or "stress" to what you are googling. And be careful about what search results you choose to read. For me, I usually google my symptom (like "side pain") with "muscle strain." That eliminates a lot of the scary stuff.
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Offline raidero

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Re: just a little rant about HA
« Reply #7 on: April 02, 2014, 10:53:01 AM »
Today I am having a ct scan and already I am anxious. About the iv iodine, my symptoms and results. The symptoms are similar to what I felt before they removed ovary, they stopped after I had surgery and now again. My mind races and I am consumed with fear. I am overwhelmed and the fear consumes me, it is so frustrating. It is mentally exhausting and depressing. Daily I am praying for strength to get through my days without so much anxiety.
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Offline raidero

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Re: just a little rant about HA
« Reply #8 on: April 02, 2014, 11:09:14 AM »
Thank you for the menopause support. I am just beginning, I havent even hit the 12 month mark and I am a mess but I am not having hot flashes yet. It the bloating, gas and pain on left side that has me anxious. I think too much about having left ovary removed and why pain on that side and anxiety goes up the roof. That's been most of my days lately.
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