I live in France and it's 4AM here so you can imagine that I couldn't really sleep
I've been using 5-HTP for a little less than 1 year (about 200mg per day) and I didn't know if it was of any help so I decided to stop completely 15-20 days ago. For all those days I didn't feel any difference so I thought it really hadn't any effect.
On Friday night I partied all night like I usually do the week-end. Saturday during the day I had my "usual" hangover : anxious but I know it's supposed to end the next day so quite confident about it. But during the evening I felt a little bit weird. It was like my eyes wanted to "cry" although I wasn't really sad, just anxious (like I usually am during the evening). Then the rest of the evening I wasn't really well and for the first time in a long time I had a hard time finding my sleep. Then today when I woke up I was still anxious. Not VERY anxious but I was like "Am I having some sort of relapse?". I was planning my day like I would do when I was very anxious. I saw some friends and I was all right but when I went home, I was a bit anxious and I took 1 pill of melatonin to help me find my sleep. And then I felt really high anxiety (but not the same type of anxiety than panic attack - i don't have problems breathing but i just feel "fear" inside my whole body and it's just really really painflu) and my stomach hurt as if I was intoxicated. I couldn't sleep and here i am writing this to you (now I feel a bit better).
During my suffering I was surprised because I was thinking : 'Ok i've already been through this, don't worry, it's going to be allright", but it was so painful and so overwhelming that my mind was going crazy and thinking by itself a lot of negative outcomes. One of my biggest fear is that I would jump out of my window because I wouldn't be able to control the pain. Phobia of committing impulsive acts has been a BIG source of anxiety for me and I only just recently understood that it was fear and not desire which helped me a lot. But when I was feeling bad, a little part of my mind was still going like "what if? what if? what if?"...
Anyway, this makes me wonder: is this some sort of relapse, even almost 20 days after having stopped? Also it is a bit sad because I thought I had become stronger in my mind to face hard times like these but it appears that it's still really painful and it still creates a lot of doubt in me...
Thanks in advance!