I am amazed at how fast anxiety can re-appear after being well controlled for a long time. I have really been feeling pretty good for a number of months. I still take my meds and keep twice monthly appointments with my therapist. I may slack a bit on the “work” to keep my anxiety in check, but while I’m feeling good, I think that may be understandable. Then comes this week.
I made a really bad error this past weekend. I took my regular meds on Saturday morning. I took the last Celexa in the bottle and knew I needed to refill. Problem was that I did not do that immediately. Sunday morning comes around and after going to church and breakfast, I totally forget to take any of my morning meds. Monday morning – take everything except, you know what. I called the pharmacy and got a refill Monday night. Tuesday, I’m finally back on track and take all meds. Then two hours later at work, BAM. I get light headed and dizzy, really feeling nearly faint. I automatically panic, grab all my stuff and drive home. I got back into bed and tried to calm down. After a couple of hours, I was feeling a bit better. Then I start thinking of why this happened. My wife and an AZ friend tell me that being away from the Celexa for three days likely did this. So I try to wrap my head around this and let it go. I decided to take a half dose for two days and get things back to normal.
Thursday – I get involved in an ugly e-mail exchange with my sisters about how to take care of our dad. He has been alone for just over a year and about 5 months ago we hired a service to help with the cleaning, cooking and shopping. We could not keep up with trying to feed him every day. As the service was helping, my sister started cooking for dad again. As the service saw the fridge stocked with meals, they slowed down the cooking. Sister now is getting frustrated with cooking again and asks what to do. I fired back the answers, but she did not like my answers. Then both sisters jump on me for not taking on more of the load. I automatically fired back as a defense mechanism. After reflecting on my response, I typed an apology and explanation and sent it off. Nevertheless, this exchange totally ruined my day and this turned into an insomnia night – 3.5 hours of sleep at best. Now my IBS is flaring up – typical for my heightened stress level. All of this turns on my health anxiety and starts me wondering if there is something “wrong” again.
I want to scream and cry at the same time. Logically, I know I need to let this stuff go and the stress will move on. That’s the rub. There is nothing logical about our anxiety crap. ARRRRRRGH !