Michael, I feel your pain. First of all, take the xanax and get as much relief as possible. You have other things to worry about, and one prioprity for me wouldn't be to get hooked on xanax. My mother is 84 years old and has been on one form or another of anxiolytic drug, xanax, ativan, valium, klonopin, for over 45 yearws and is in perfect health.
I'd like to see you push yourself more. Anxiety leads to a sedenstary lifestyle and depression. Get off the couch and take a walk around the block...I know, I know...it's freakin' hard. But, it's a start. Take the xanax to help you do it. My psychiatrist, in fact, just about every psychiatrist I have had tells me most anxiety/neurotics are loathe to take the sedative. You take your diabetes meds, right? THis is another form of illness. Of course, this is with your Dr's. approval. If he/she feels you can take a walk. I AM NOT A DOCTOR. Just a 61 year old woman who has suffered on and off most of my life.
Start taking better care of your physical appearance. WHen you look better, you feel a bit better.
I know this is all hard, Michael, but you're the only person who can help you...no one else can do this for you. It's you living your life.
Get onto the chat discussion. The people there are friendly and have the same fears and issues you do. They share their successes and their failures.
Also, I recommend you get health insurance. You will be fined now if you don't get. Start seeing a therapist every week.
I will be praying for you, Michael.