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Offline starburst

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obsessed with age?
« on: March 27, 2014, 03:37:49 PM »
I always thought OCD was about having compulsions like washing hands many times a day, checking locked doors etc. which I don't do, and don't feel compelled to do.

I wonder if my thoughts might be a bit obsessive. I find that when I get something in my head, it stays there for absolutely ages. The last 3 years or so I'm obsessed with age.

I'm 37 and simply cannot process that I'm that number of years old. In my head I'm still in my 20's. It simply doesn't compute. I'm constantly doing math in my head to work out how many years older or younger someone is from me. So if I meet someone who is 50, I have to do the math to see how old they were when I was in high school to determine if I would have thought they seemed old when I was that age.

In fact, when I was 17 I used to sit on the bus and calculate how many years it would be until I was 30. It seemed so far away, but I felt certain that when I was 30 I'd be old.

It doesn't feel like long ago that I was still in my 20's, and that it won't be so long from now that I'll be in my 50's and then 60's, and that then I'll be considered old.

I think about how people who are in their 20's today and are wearing retro 80's clothes WEREN'T EVEN BORN IN THE 80's  and that makes me feel absolutely ancient. When I was in my 20's everything was retro 60's and I WASN'T BORN THEN which made people from that era seem like almost from a different planet.

I just want to live life NOW for TODAY and not obsess over the fact that in 2 and a half years I'll be 40 and that while I didn't mind turning 30 (on the day that I turned it) I actually obsessed over it from the time I was in my teens! I somehow dread that turning 40 will be worse than turning 30. I think about how old EVERYBODY is. If I'm watching t.v I have to know how old all the characters are in real life, and obsess over whether they look old or young and how close to my age they are.
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Offline Cuchculan

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Re: obsessed with age?
« Reply #1 on: March 28, 2014, 06:55:40 AM »
Age is but a number. I always say ' that I may be getting older but I refuse to grow up '. You can sit there and think about your age for the next 50 years if you like. Then you will look back and see that you wasted those years worrying about your age. Or you can enjoy them and look back and say ' At least I gave it a good shot '. I am 45 this year. I still have my hair done out in a mohawk style a lot of the time. Not your average 45 year old hairstyle. If I do it any other way I shave the head. Not that I am balding. Just love the image. There are no rules that say we must dress this way or that or look this way or that, the older we get. Just go with how you feel. That is my way of doing things. I'll be still doing the same thing when I am 50. Because it is what I want. I do get people who think I am younger. Not expecting a person of my age to have this image. Just be yourself. Don't waste those years. You can never get them back again. Grow old in style.
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Offline Blueberry

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Re: obsessed with age?
« Reply #2 on: March 29, 2014, 09:05:52 AM »
Hah, I'm not even 20 and I whine about age as well. The years go by so quickly. If I manage to survive, before I know it I'll be 40 then 60 then 80 then..

Life's too short for my liking. 20 years is a short span but 20 years from now I'll be nearing the middle of my life.

I prefer not imagining the future. I've planned my life until age 35~ but that's as far as I'll go. I don't like imagining in my 30s my grandparents will be old, real old, or maybe not even around. I curse the fact they're in their 60s, almost 70s, and I'm not even an adult.
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Offline starburst

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Re: obsessed with age?
« Reply #3 on: March 29, 2014, 10:43:26 AM »
The sad thing, is that I've felt OLD since I was 20!!!

I remember when I was 19 talking to someone and going on and on about how old I was going to be, turning 20, and the person I was talking to was like "wo! I"m 20! Thanks for making me feel old!!!"

Then when I was 23 or 24 I felt SUPER OLD because I was at the cut off age to join the army, be a call girl (not that I wanted to be one, but it made me feel old knowing that it wasn't even an option). When I went to clubs I felt like everyone there was 17 or 18 and I was ancient. So I had to go to older people clubs.

When I was 25 1/2 I honest to god felt old. I worked in a call center, and everyone on my team was 18 or 19, living with their parents, clubbing every weekend, buying expensive clothes. I felt like a geezer because I lived with my boyfriend, didn't have much money to buy new clothes and wasn't invited to club with any of the other girls because I was so much older. But 25 isn't even old!!!

Then at 27, obviously I obsessed over the "fact" that I was almost 30!!! Then when I was 30 I went back to school and I was one of the oldest people in the class. Most people in the class were 19 year old males. They definitely acted like I was different. One even made reference to my older generation, and I felt so incredibly old.

I feel like I"m going to be old now, for the rest of my life!!!

In this youth obsessed society, especially as a woman, you hit your peak at about 22 or 23. After that, with the right maintenance you can still be incredibly hot, but generally it's the really young girls that get all the attention. It fucking sucks being a woman and getting older.

Though, in some ways it is actually a relief. It's a horribly scary feeling when you are 20 trying to walk around at night and men are calling out to you and stuff. Once you hit a certain age, unless you have great genes, or you work really hard at preserving yourself, you become INVISIBLE!!! People bump into you, you're so invisible.
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