I can relate entirely to your post. I've been in a derealized state for over five years, and it is constant. It never subsides, it's part of me. It feels like my brain is numb, everything seems a little darker than it used to. I get jealous when people claim to suffer DPDR when it comes and goes with recreational drug use. Mine wasn't caused by any substance. It just happened one day. I was at work when I first felt it. I was talking to a customer and a few words came out of my mouth that made no sense. I thought I had a stroke, everything looked strange. I told my manager that I needed to go home right away. I took the bus home, but I don't remember how I got to the bus stop, or if I paid for my ticket. I went to bed and slept for hours, hoping it would go away. It never did. I didn't feel normal anymore, and I haven't since. I can manage it fine, it has actually given me an interesting view on what it is to live. It almost numbs my anxiety symptoms in social situations. The only things I worry about now involve my family's health and my health. It's given me some courage. As much as I don't want to live this way, I think it's taught me a lot about myself.