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Author Topic: Another Meaningless Vent....My Apoligies  (Read 106 times)

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Offline CarrieAnn

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Another Meaningless Vent....My Apoligies
« on: March 22, 2014, 09:56:37 PM »
My Mom passed away Aug. 2012, but she always told me that if she ever passed away to please take care of my Dad.  My Dad is a difficult person to deal with; he is negative, mean, demanding, pushy, etc., (think Archie Bunker from the show 'All In The Family')  So, about a couple of weeks after my Mom passed away my life became quite miserable at times.

Well, I kept my promise, I have been doing my best to take care of him.  I took care of donating her clothing, and thoroughly cleaned their house for him.  I wash his clothes, drive him to work every morning, pay his bills (write out the checks), take him on his errands, and cook dinner every night.

There have been times that if I don't have the food in the plate the minute he walks in the door, he rolls his eyes, huffs and puffs, and gives me a look that could kill.  Last night he walked in the back door of the kitchen, I was doing a few dishes but dinner was ready, just not on the plate---he said, 'what have you been doing, nothing?'. So I said, 'yes, I've spent the whole day doing nothing', which was purely sarcastic.

There have been a couple instances that he threatened to go home if the food was not put out as soon as possible.  And God forbid if after dinner I 'hide' in the other room while surfing the computer---he'll say, 'THAT COMPUTER!', as if I am still his child, and he is scolding me, but for Christ's sake, I'm in my own house I think I should be able to do as I please.

There are many, many more things that have caused me much frustration, but I won't bore you anymore.....I needed to vent this because the way he treats me at times causes my stress level to go through the roof.....there is no way to remedy this though, he has been difficult as long as I have been alive or that I can recall....my life with him has been a struggle to say the least, just no pleasant times to speak of.

I Thank You for taking the time to read this.
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Online anxiouskathie

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Re: Another Meaningless Vent....My Apoligies
« Reply #1 on: March 22, 2014, 10:19:19 PM »
So very sorry to hear this Carrie.  You are a great person and your mom would be very proud of you for what you are putting up with!!!  I don't think she'd expect you to go to the lengths you are going.  What would be the worst thing that would happen if maybe you left his food for him to put on his plate himself??  Is he elderly or handicapped and can't do these things for himself or is he just being selfish?

You are right, you are in your own house....he is the guest and should be thankful for you taking such good care of him as you do!!!!!

You're a very kind and caring person Carrie, hugs to you!
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Offline CarrieAnn

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Re: Another Meaningless Vent....My Apoligies
« Reply #2 on: March 23, 2014, 03:53:30 PM »
Thank You Kathie, he is a very young 76 year old--still works 5 days a week just because he wants to, keeps chickens, grows a garden every year, so getting his own plate would not be out of the question.  The country he came from is not this one, (Sicily) and in that country women are meant to be kept in their place.  My Mom was born here in America, she served in the United States Army during the Vietnam era in her twenties.  She was a very smart, yet very patient woman who put up with a lot.

My husband and I bought the house next door 17 years ago so that I could be close to my Mom, as she was sickly.  I visited her everyday to help with housework, or whatever she needed.  I drove her to her Dr. appointments (neither of my parents drove).  She would give me her grocery list and I would shop for her every week.  It was never a burden, I loved helping her because she was such a sweet, fun to be around, loving person.  But helping my Dad is pure drudgery. A friend of my husband's who had known of my Dad, said, 'he is the most miserable man I have ever met!'  which took me aback, I tried to defend my Dad, but after I thought about it, he was right.

When my Mom was alive she took the brunt of his attitude...now that she is gone he gives it to me.  When she passed away I tried to get through the grieving process, but he made it so much more difficult with what I would call emotional abuse.  That was the most excruciatingly painful experience I have ever endured in all my 43 years of life.

I try so hard everyday to keep my head up, but he is getting me down.  My whole life revolves around the needs of others, and it is all too consuming.  I would love to have my own 'life', even just a part-time job, but the anxiety that I succumb to hasn't let me even try.  And I am sure a lot of the anxiety/depression I fall under has to do with what I deal with day in and day out.  I can just hear my sweet Mom saying, 'oh, don't pay attention to him!', as she so often would say.

But anyway, writing all this has sort of helped me see that despite all I've been through I am not as weak as my anxiety would like me to believe.  Sure I have anxiety, and get depressed, but deep down inside I'm still me, and I'm happy to be the person I am---my Mother's daughter!

Thanks For Reading :)
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Online anxiouskathie

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Re: Another Meaningless Vent....My Apoligies
« Reply #3 on: March 23, 2014, 04:42:51 PM »
I can only pray that my children think of me as you do your mother!!!  What a lovely sentiment!!!! 

Is there any way that perhaps your dad could find a small place of his own and perhaps have a 'caretaker' so to speak help with the daily chores or prepare and deliver meals that he could cook later? 

You are right in that you deserve a life as well.  As painful as it may seem, I'd certainly start exploring some other options.  He does seem miserable, but no one but himself can fix that and maybe he needs to be on his own to realize that. 

I'm always around to listen should you need to vent! 
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