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Author Topic: Anxiety and Love  (Read 194 times)

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Offline shellofabody

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Anxiety and Love
« on: March 18, 2014, 04:04:00 PM »
Hey,

So I've had pretty bad anxiety since last year. My girlfriend and I had a great relationship, but my anxiety has gotten far worse. I now sometimes find myself not attracted to her and even not wanting to be with her. This, I've noticed, only happens in bouts of bad anxiety which can last for weeks with me. I worry endlessly that I won't ever love her again, or that our relationship is coming to an end. I really want to be with her, so why this sudden unattraction? Is this really anxiety?
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Offline kconnors

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Re: Anxiety and Love
« Reply #1 on: March 18, 2014, 06:11:59 PM »
Hey,

Sometimes anxiety creates in us, whether we realize it or not, the play of what if scenarios . . .we imagine the worse and then through self-fulfilling prophecies, they come try so then anxiety can tell us "I told you so" . . . anxiety is a bad companion in a relationship . . it can cause us to withdraw; it can cause us to question the other person; it can cause us to make uninformed decisions, etc.

Whether it is anxiety or the end of a relationship that you are reluctant to let go of, I don't know . . .this is the time to have a conversation with your girlfriend to find out where she is in the relationship and to be honest with her . . . .I guess this is my experience speaking, but I have come to learn that no one can control what another person does or how another person feels . . . it is pretty much the type of crapshoot that anxiety loves . . . . it feeds on the uncertainty that comes with a relationship . . .

If this only happens during bouts of anxiety, you need to ask yourself if your uncertainty is not a trigger for your anxiety . . . these are hard questions but you need to be fair to all of the people involved . . . have a chat with your girlfriend . . . if you do have a great relationship, then getting things out on the table is the honest thing to do . . . I'm not saying it is a make or break deal, but she is probably sensing that you are different when you are in an anxiety episode . . . . approach it gently and let it develop from there . . .let us know how you and she are doing  . . take care, kc
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Offline shellofabody

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Re: Anxiety and Love
« Reply #2 on: March 19, 2014, 05:23:39 PM »
Hey, thanks for the quick reply.
Our relationship is great. She's really amazing to me, and I know she really loves me. But I sometimes am not as attracted to her as usual and end up overthinking it, and reading about others who have "fallen out of love". I'm terrified of this happening to me. I don't want to hurt this girl, and more important I don't want to lose her. I'm really scared that I won't be able to stop these feelings...
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Offline Jbird

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Re: Anxiety and Love
« Reply #3 on: March 21, 2014, 11:01:17 AM »
I'm in the same boat as you right now.  I get into these intense bouts of anxiety regarding my relationship.  I worry about legitimate issues, but focus on them and fixate an abnormal amount.  I think I think too much about my relationship, which ends up causing more anxiety which fuels more panic, etc.  That self fulfilling prophecy is very accurate.

Now, that being said, I have no solution to offer you.  I'm still struggling through this sort of situation and the confusion that comes with it.  I am completely unsure whether my relationship is ending naturally or if I am ruining it with my anxious and destructive tendencies.  I am planning to talk to my SO soon, but I'm going to wait until after I've seen a counsellor.  I don't trust myself to not ruin everything just because I'm so caught up in my own thoughts that I can't properly articulate.  A counsellor will help me work through my thoughts and provide honest and neutral insight, which I can then process and talk to my boy without spewing word-vomit and making the situation worse. 

The only advice I can give is this: do not diminish your emotions just because they are fueled by your anxiety.  If there are real problems in the relationship, put your foot down and emphasize to your partner that they need to change.  (Ex: if you are having problems in the bedroom that are fueling your diminished attraction to her. Tell her what is bothering you and what you would like to see changed to better the love) However, do make it clear to them that you have been feeling uncontrollably anxious about your future together and ask for their input on the state of y'all's relationship to "clarify".
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Offline Rob783

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Re: Anxiety and Love
« Reply #4 on: March 21, 2014, 01:20:43 PM »
I think it's common for people with anxiety to feel detached during bad bouts.  I have the same problem with my fiance, she's great and I worry my own anxiety will cause us to break up.  If your on anti-depressant meds (like I am) they too can really hamper intimacy, which in turn puts a strain on things.  If you love her and want to be with her focus on the positive things in your relationship.  For example I can make my fiance laugh all the time, even when my anxieties up.
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