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Author Topic: I can't take this anymore.  (Read 282 times)

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Offline halesy

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I can't take this anymore.
« on: March 18, 2014, 11:12:00 AM »
I know I've been posting a lot and I know I'm crazy but I'm now CONVINCED I have pancreatic cancer. I know that's not likely because of my age (21 next month) but I read that it can happen as early as age 20 and have heard about it happening to some younger people. I know those cases are VERY rare, but not impossible. I went to an urgent care centre last night (it's a step below ER for non urgent illnesses) and told the doctor about my abdominal discomfort and tenderness, reflux, diarrhea, nausea and left-side back pain . He poked me for 10 seconds and said he "didn't know what the problem was" and sent me home (worst experience ever). I can't see my family doctor until next Thursday and even if she does  end up ordering tests it will just be such a drawn out process and I just can't even function I'm so anxious and depressed and convinced I'm dying :(
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“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”

― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Online ColdHands

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Re: I can't take this anymore.
« Reply #1 on: March 18, 2014, 11:52:16 AM »
Wow, where to begin.

You have said it yourself.  Your chances of having pancreatic cancer are so slim at your age, it beggars the imagination.

But, as you said, possible.  So look at it this way, the only way you will know for sure is to go to the doctor and get blood drawn and get an ultrasound of your abdomen.  But will you believe that?  If you are determined you have something, a lot of times you will convince yourself that you do despite the tests.  You can freak out and kill yourself with worry (man if I could get back the days I ruined over my life worrying) or just not think about it until its time to see your doctor.

If you have it, you can't change it.  If you don't you are ok.  You just need to be zen about the whole thing.
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"There is just one more thing that bothers me."  Columbo

Offline halesy

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Re: I can't take this anymore.
« Reply #2 on: March 18, 2014, 12:37:10 PM »
I had a blood test about 5 weeks ago and it came back normal but i'm convinced something has sprung up since then. Trust me, I know how irrational I am but when my anxiety gets bad, it gets REALLY bad, and i can't be reasoned with.

I appreciate your reply :)
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“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”

― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Offline vardnas

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Re: I can't take this anymore.
« Reply #3 on: March 18, 2014, 01:27:04 PM »
Nope, the answer is not in more medical testing. Blood tests that were fine five weeks ago will not show signs of anything sinister now. Cancer, unless it's some kind of blood cancer, does not develop that quickly.

By and large, medical testing, google searches, and other forms of reassurance-seeking fail to quell anxiety over the long-term. They might feel good in the moment, but ultimately they contribute to an overall increase in anxiety. They're what's known as "negative reinforcement behaviors" and they create a cycle that's difficult to break because as anxiety sufferers, we begin to think that we NEED those things to "feel better." Every time we feel a physical manifestation of anxiety (that twinge of pain; this palpitation), we think we need go online or call a doctor. That's what "feels right" in the moment, but the truth is, your anxiety will not be brought under control until you get to a point where you can REFRAIN from indulging any of those things. After all, fear that has nothing to latch onto doesn't stick around very long.

Do you have access to any kind of anxiety treatment? Is that something you're willing to explore?
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In case anyone is still confused:  googling your symptoms will cause you to remain in a state of extreme anxiety. Stepping away from the internet is the first step toward lasting peace.

Offline halesy

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Re: I can't take this anymore.
« Reply #4 on: March 18, 2014, 01:52:47 PM »
Thanks Varndas for your knowledgeable reply. Health anxiety is fairly new to me (only really started up in the new year) so i'm *slowly* trying to learn how to manage it, but some days are still just unbearable.

I have a great doctor who wants me to check in with her every month to touch base on my anxiety. I've been prescribed Ativan as a "once-in-a-while" solution but it really only prevents full-blown panic attacks (which luckily i don't have very often anymore) and doesn't help any underlying anxiety. I also attend a session at my university health clinic once a week. It's a group session about dealing with anxiety and worry (only 6 people in the group) and i find it does help, but it covers ALL anxiety and my anxiety is so focused on my health and fear of something awful happening to me that sometimes the information just doesn't apply to me. But with these strategies i've definitely had more good weeks than bad.... but this week has just been really, REALLY bad :(
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“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”

― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Offline vardnas

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Re: I can't take this anymore.
« Reply #5 on: March 18, 2014, 02:26:56 PM »
I totally hear you—learning how to recover from HA is definitely a process. It sounds like you're off to a really good start, though. I bet over the next few months you're going to become even more knowledgeable about what's going on. Keep it up—this is really a battle of the logical vs. the illogical mind, and while you're in this process, there are going to be some days that are harder than others.
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In case anyone is still confused:  googling your symptoms will cause you to remain in a state of extreme anxiety. Stepping away from the internet is the first step toward lasting peace.

Offline halesy

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Re: I can't take this anymore.
« Reply #6 on: March 18, 2014, 09:50:48 PM »
Yeah, my logical and illogical mind are two very different sides of me for sure :/ the illogical side just keeps convincing me that the doctors have been overlooking something very very serious
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“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”

― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Offline beast216

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Re: I can't take this anymore.
« Reply #7 on: March 18, 2014, 10:40:08 PM »
Don't feel bad about having these thoughts. There are many here who have convinced themselves they have had pancreatic cancer. I have.  And stomach cancer.  And mouth cancer. And Al's. most of us feel something is amiss without bodies and we crave an answer and try to diagnose ourselves.

You do not have pancreatic cancer. I don't either.  Even though I thought I did three months ago. I still think something is wrong with me even though every test has said the opposite.   You are anxious. My anxiety about my health started 14 years ago...about you age.  I thought I was dying then. Here I am 14 years later and clearly all the ailments I thought I had convinced myself I had then never amounted to anything or I wouldn't be here today.

I still struggle with anxiety which is what I am working on fixing now.  The sooner you admit that is what is causing your feelings the quicker you can begin to heal.
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Offline halesy

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Re: I can't take this anymore.
« Reply #8 on: March 19, 2014, 12:48:39 PM »
Thank you for your reply :) who knows what I'll be like in 14 yrs :(
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“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”

― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Offline beast216

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Re: I can't take this anymore.
« Reply #9 on: March 19, 2014, 01:26:40 PM »
You will be just fine in 14 years.  A lot better if you accept that anxiety is playing a role and do what you can to work on it.
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