Alright, I've had a very intense fear of schizophrenia since I had a bad drug experience and thought I was losing my mind three weeks ago. I, like a jack ass, unfortunately looked up all the symptoms of schizo (hallucinations, delusions, memory loss, social withdrawal) and am convincing myself that I have all of them (minus the hallucinations, those are heard to create without the illness). This fear is really hurting any progress I'm trying to make in life, and so I began taking Ativan for the panic attacks I've begun to have and Remeron as sort of a maintenance thing for now. My psychiatrist prescribed me Remeron when I was worrying about other illnesses (like cancer) but I never ended up taking it (not after Zoloft messed with me so much). Now, it seems as if I have no choice. This new fear is so overwhelming. I've never experienced anything this terrifying or consuming before. I'm currently on 15 mg and have been taking it for two weeks. When will it kick in? Is it possible that it's making my anxiety worse? Should I stay at 15 mg or increase the dose? I'm grateful for any input.
*And I don't mean to offend anyone who does have schizophrenia. Just as I never meant to offend anyone with cancer or MS or ALS when I was freaking out about those. It's just the nature of my OCD and anxiety. When I fixate on something that could potentially make my life harder, I catastrophize it. I'm sure there are plenty of people with schizophrenia who have their condition under some level of control and who you'd never tell had it unless they told you. Logically that makes me feel better, but my fear is still rampant.