I'd like to say how grateful I am that resources like this are available to those who need them. My case is sort of unusual so this is probably gonna be a wall of text. Thanks in advance to anyone who sticks it out long enough to offer any advice.
I'm eighteen years old with a ridiculously high BP. I average about 140 on my systolic with spikes of up to 200 being more or less normal. I've probably been this way since I was about sixteen. I'm outwardly fit, aesthetically. My BF% is ideal and I've got an athletic body type. My cardio could be better. I can only run for about 1 1/2 miles before I absolutely have to slow down. ACE inhibitors either do nothing for me or drop my systolic down to the 90s, depending on the day. I've got a family history of hypertension. My father was diagnosed at eighteen. He had been taking a ridiculous amount of steroids at the time. My urine's been consistently foamy for about a year which raises concerns about the condition of my kidneys. I've got some scans and bloodwork scheduled to check for any renal damage and to see if my BP could tie in with any hormonal issues. I'll have occasional, mild shooting pains through my flanks. I have a hard time standing or sitting in one position for very long. The sensation is hard to pin down but it feels like I'd pass out if I tried for more than ten minutes. Shifting positions or walking around fixes the problem. Three or four times in my life I've found myself unable to stand because I experienced hot flashes and loss of vision without any warning. I might've chalked it up to panic attacks even though I wasn't feeling unusually anxious at the time but these sensations have been decidedly different from what I normally feel with panic attacks.
I know that I'm not the epitome of mental health. My ability to reason is 100% intact but I've got some definite emotional problems. Namely anxiety. It manifests itself in most facets of life but health anxiety is the real kicker. I can remember being five years old, questioning whether this or that was a sign that I was deadly sick, going to go blind, etc. The whole thing really took off about a year ago and it's put a huge dent in my quality of life. I'm fairly comfortable with the prospect of being dead, but anxiety isn't based in reason and as such the idea of being sick stirs up an overwhelming slew of emotions. I don't really have the expressive powers to describe just how awful I'll get to feeling. It transcends thoughts of self-preservation and makes me feel like the notion of existence itself is in jeopardy. I adhere to a religion/spirituality/philosophy/whatever-you-want-to-call-it, so I shouldn't be having these feelings but I guess that's what anxiety'll do. I've never been to a behavioral therapist. My GP tried to get me on antidepressants and benzos but I won't take them on principle. I just want to talk to somebody. I've never told anyone about the extent of my anxiety. I feel like since it's been made into such an umbrella diagnosis and used as a scapegoat for so many young people anyone I told about it would just be exhausted with me. I function damn well, outwardly. But holy ***** am I a wreck. I just want to be happy. Or even content.
It's safe to objectively say that I've got SOME health problem. Just based on the foamy pee and consistently high blood pressure. Anxiety can't bring those about. I just need some outside perspective on how devastating a thing this needs to be for me. Because I'm not in a position, mentally, to judge that for myself.