I have lurked here for quite some time when I've needed things answered, but decided to post my own and join this wonderful community.
GAD, Panic Attacks, PMDD for 7 years.
In December my life just got hectic. I run a photography studio, and business picked up. I have been slammed non-stop ever since almost daily. I've had a few days off, but I still end up doing emails, phone calls, etc.
Well, I took 2 days off to visit with a friend. Relaxed and had a good time (it was over due).
I am going on a trip this coming Wednesday for a week to see my best friends, and the man I am dating. We have been dating long distance for over a year now. My friends know him (not some internet creeper), but we have never met in person. We talk every day and our relationship is amazing. I have been SO anxious about meeting him, money, driving alone to where we're meeting up, and every other little detail.
I have been so busy that I have been eating out a lot. I am soy intolerant, but other than that I'm good. Well, recently I have been diagnosed with silent reflux. (It sucks!) And lately the past week, after eating every meal it's just been miserable.
I am on .25 mg of Klonopin daily and 1mg xanax as needed. Normally I take 1-2 Xanax a month. I've taken 10 over the past 2 weeks due to the silent reflux. I get really really shallow breathing and it spirals into anxiety.
Skip to today - (I know ... long history).
I feel fine. I don't feel anxious. I am breathing okay. I KNOW what is causing the symptoms I feel and so I'm not worried about them. And ... I am nearly panicked because I'm not worried.
It's like "Okay life ... gimme a break here!" I have been non-stop anxious since December with work and this up coming trip. Now it's just "Here it is, accept it. It's going to happen, you are going to be fine. Breathe." And I feel okay.
But ... to be so anxious and worried over not being worried. I can't relax. My brain wants to relax, but my mind jumps in with, "No no no, we gotta panic about something." And the brain answers with, "But there is nothing to panic or worry over right now." And then it is just like "Well ... let us try to find something."
Am I the only one this happens to? I am used to my brain being a mile a minute worrier all the time non-stop even on the meds. For it to be silent and nothing going on in the background ... scared the geebus outta me.
Maybe I just need some kind words to tell me this is normal. Or to tell me how to relax when I want to and my anxiety doesn't want to let me. I am so used to being in that fight or flight response ALL the time.
Will I ever feel normal and not worry over it? Sigh. Thanks for listening.