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Author Topic: Anxious about not being Anxious  (Read 306 times)

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Offline CherryPirate

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Anxious about not being Anxious
« on: March 16, 2014, 08:10:37 PM »
Hello All.

I have lurked here for quite some time when I've needed things answered, but decided to post my own and join this wonderful community.

Basic History:

GAD, Panic Attacks, PMDD for 7 years.

In December my life just got hectic. I run a photography studio, and business picked up. I have been slammed non-stop ever since almost daily. I've had a few days off, but I still end up doing emails, phone calls, etc.

Well, I took 2 days off to visit with a friend. Relaxed and had a good time (it was over due).

I am going on a trip this coming Wednesday for a week to see my best friends, and the man I am dating. We have been dating long distance for over a year now. My friends know him (not some internet creeper), but we have never met in person. We talk every day and our relationship is amazing. I have been SO anxious about meeting him, money, driving alone to where we're meeting up, and every other little detail.

I have been so busy that I have been eating out a lot. I am soy intolerant, but other than that I'm good. Well, recently I have been diagnosed with silent reflux. (It sucks!) And lately the past week, after eating every meal it's just been miserable.

I am on .25 mg of Klonopin daily and 1mg xanax as needed. Normally I take 1-2 Xanax a month. I've taken 10 over the past 2 weeks due to the silent reflux. I get really really shallow breathing and it spirals into anxiety.

Skip to today - (I know ... long history).

I feel fine. I don't feel anxious. I am breathing okay. I KNOW what is causing the symptoms I feel and so I'm not worried about them. And ... I am nearly panicked because I'm not worried.

It's like "Okay life ... gimme a break here!" I have been non-stop anxious since December with work and this up coming trip. Now it's just "Here it is, accept it. It's going to happen, you are going to be fine. Breathe." And I feel okay.

But ... to be so anxious and worried over not being worried. I can't relax. My brain wants to relax, but my mind jumps in with, "No no no, we gotta panic about something." And the brain answers with, "But there is nothing to panic or worry over right now." And then it is just like "Well ... let us try to find something."

Am I the only one this happens to? I am used to my brain being a mile a minute worrier all the time non-stop even on the meds. For it to be silent and nothing going on in the background ... scared the geebus outta me.

Maybe I just need some kind words to tell me this is normal. Or to tell me how to relax when I want to and my anxiety doesn't want to let me. I am so used to being in that fight or flight response ALL the time.

Feeling defeated.

Will I ever feel normal and not worry over it? Sigh. Thanks for listening.
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Offline kconnors

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Re: Anxious about not being Anxious
« Reply #1 on: March 16, 2014, 11:13:34 PM »

Never apologies for long posts . . . it takes time to share and we are grateful that you are taking your time to let us know of your experience . . . .

I always used to try to find something to worry about because anxiety was my comfort zone . . .I had become used to it so when I started to recover it felt odd not to worry  . . . because I had to get used to a new comfort zone . . . so, you are not the only one that this has happened to . . .the trick is to come and expect the new comfort zone so it eventually becomes comfortable for you . . .

I used to be in a constant fight or flight of adrenaline . . .even when I was sleeping but now I enjoy being outside of that . . . fight and flight, in small doses when appropriate is a natural response . . .when it is with us always, that's anxiety  . . .don't feel defeated about not feeling anxiety because you have reached a point where you are managing it and you are getting used to living without anxiety which is normal for most people in the world . . . it takes some getting used to but a word of advice . . . instead of focusing on not having anxiety which can trigger it, focus on the fact that living without anxiety is normal . . .

There will be times of anxiousness but you seem that you are well on your way to managing anxiety so give yourself credit for a well earned accomplishment . . .keep in touch, take care, kc
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