I appreciate all of the help. I've gone to a psychiatrist in the past for other reasons.
How did that pan out for you? Did it work or did it flop? Have you thought of seeing another one? It isn't a bad thing at all, people can say whatever they want about it, but opinions are opinions, and opinions hold 0 value. Maybe look into one if that's what you feel would ease or sooth your symptoms. You've got to remember... in your mindset, in your situation... it's all about you. It isn't about anybody else... and in that acute mindset, it's okay to be selfish with making sure you're okay. If somebody tells you just to "shake it off" then that's no better advice than frogs sit on lilipads. Sure you want to shake it off, but it is what you're wired to be, there's no changing that about you without your willingness to control it.
My parents had rough split when I was 5, and I've kind of been a chess piece in some ways throughout my life. Went through a 5 year court battle and ultimately was moved to Texas by my mom. I'd have to think that had an effect on my level of anxiety that exists today, though I always took pride in the fact that I was mentally tough and never let that whole ordeal bother me. Apparently it did, subconsciously.
Of course that took affect on you, you need to hang onto that and realize what you've gone through. You didn't just sit on your ass your whole life, flipping through the sci-fi channel, thinking you're going to die from a green blob or lava coming out of your sink faucet, You've got a strong mentality from this, possibly stronger than those who haven't experienced those types of situations, you have every right to state that these have an effect on your anxiety. People throw the word Anxiety around for everything. I could stub my toe and you could tie it to anxiety. It's good to know you understand that hey, you've been through a lot... especially at a young age. but yet you're fully developed and now you're fighting only a mental battle... you're not some twacked out foster child who never made it as far as you have (bless their hearts).
I've been afraid of death since a very young age. I can remember vividly the day I found out that all of us die eventually. I remember nightmares from the rest of that week in detail. And then throughout my childhood I would be laying in bed on sitting down watching tv and then I'd have a thought that reminded me that we all die and I'd panic, I'd get up and start pacing really bad.
Guess my fear of death is now just presenting itself differently now that I'm older and am aware of more diseases.
Death happens, as I've told many people it's an irrelevant battle to fight. spend your life fearing death... and guess what... you'll die with nothing left than the fear of death. It happens to all of us. it's nothing to fear and it's only something to accept. Believe me, I don't want to die at the age of 23... but i most certainly would not want to live forever.
Just like the Red Hot Chili Peppers song Californication:
"Pay your surgeon very well to break the spell of aging,
Celebrity skin, is this your chin,
Or is it war you're waging?"
That can be taken into many different contexts, but my perception is that many try hard to fight growing old, when it shouldn't be such a bad thing.
Think of growing old. raising a family and having children.... that's a younger generation who will be successors of you. there would be nothing happier than knowing that you'll die with children who will then raise family and do the same. it's a never ending cycle. it's nothing to fear, if you have something you want to achieve.
Best wishes to you.