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Author Topic: Struggling To Cope Today. (PLEASE Reply!)  (Read 218 times)

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Offline AP151

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Struggling To Cope Today. (PLEASE Reply!)
« on: March 16, 2014, 06:39:42 PM »
Today has been one of my worst days for my Health Anxiety that has lasted 40 something days straight ranging from brain eating amoebas to colon cancer. I've spent the last 10 days panicking about Neurological disorders like MS and ALS. Every time I consider the possibility of having one of these I panic and my heart starts racing, I feel like I need to go run or throw something.

What has me worried is this...

It started when I was in class 10 days ago, my right arm was twitching for a few seconds at a time every 20 minutes or so sometimes less frequent but this lasted for the rest of that day. I'll add that the twitching happened after working out very hard 6 days prior to this, and I actually couldn't bend either arm past 90 degrees for 5 days. So the 6th day is when the twitching happened.

So I did what I knew I shouldn't have done, I googled why my arm could be twitching. I searched for possible tricep tendon injuries, and instead found ALS. I panicked when I read the symptoms. Before I knew it I had most of these symtpoms. Anxiety and my brain playing tricks? Most likely. So the perceived weakness began and started to "spread" to my opposite leg. I could still lift all of my normal weights, run, balance just fine. I lacked clinical weakness So I ruled out ALS.

After ruling out ALS, I stumbled upon it's cousin, and though far less deadly, equally as scary. I read these symtpoms, and panicked when I matched some to my own. In the week I've known about MS, I've developed all of the symptoms. I'll just list them so hopefully someone with knowledge can rule this out for me. (I BEG)

Symptoms: (these have all developed over a course of 7 days)
- Twitching in my arm after the workout I mentioned above. I had not yet known about MS or ALS. I was however anxious about colon cancer.
- Perceived weakness in my right arm and days later my left leg. The perceived weakness began immediately after I read that weakness was a symptom of ALS. I did not know they meant clinical weakness yet.
- Tingling in my left foot, this was after I refocused my worries to MS and read tingling was a symptom.
- Cold hands/Cold feet. My feet keep getting really cold and this sparks panic.
- Tingling in my hand one morning 2 days ago after I woke up. This stick around for 20 minutes or so then disappeared.
- I've also noticed that I'm nearsighted. Though symptoms of nearsightedness have been going on for a year, I'm just now paying attention to them because I read that optical differences is a symptom of neurological issues.

Today I'm struggling to deal with my health anxiety more than ever, and am just looking for some kind of reassurance or anybody that can tell me about a dead giveaway that it's all in my head.
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Offline anagargano

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Re: Struggling To Cope Today. (PLEASE Reply!)
« Reply #1 on: March 16, 2014, 06:48:08 PM »
I really think you are fine. You dont actually have any real weakness therefore your can rule that out as a symptom....and the fact they came on after you read about them also give away........this all sound like anxiety .....do some exercise or something you love etc and see if it goes away while you doing that ...if it does more proof only anxiety//....
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Offline Potatoes

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Re: Struggling To Cope Today. (Please Reply!)
« Reply #2 on: March 16, 2014, 06:49:23 PM »
What is your family history with these diseases you've diagnosed yourself with? take in mind you have HA and separarate rational and irrational, if you're getting physticak symptoms that you don't believe are caused directly from your anxiety, then you need to look at what in your everyday life causes these types of reactions. what a common cold to one is swine flu to another. just take some things with a grain of salt and try and relax or the stress itself will cause you problems. its overwhelming I know but you've got go convince yourself that what your mind feels are only signals. it doesn't necessarily mean you are coming down with anything. butafter all rationality is set aside and symptoms escalate, seek help my friend.
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Offline AP151

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Re: Struggling To Cope Today. (PLEASE Reply!)
« Reply #3 on: March 16, 2014, 06:55:17 PM »
I really think you are fine. You dont actually have any real weakness therefore your can rule that out as a symptom....and the fact they came on after you read about them also give away........this all sound like anxiety .....do some exercise or something you love etc and see if it goes away while you doing that ...if it does more proof only anxiety//....

I'm a Motocross racer and 6 days ago I was able to go out to the track and do some laps, all my symptoms were gone from the moment I got there to the drive home. They did come back when I got home though. Unfortunately, my bike needs a $1100 repair and I need to save up for that so I won't be able to ride for awhile. So my one stress reliever is temporarily gone haha.
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"To live is rarest thing in the world. Most just simply exist." - Oscar Wilde

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Offline AP151

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Re: Struggling To Cope Today. (Please Reply!)
« Reply #4 on: March 16, 2014, 07:00:36 PM »
What is your family history with these diseases you've diagnosed yourself with? take in mind you have HA and separarate rational and irrational, if you're getting physticak symptoms that you don't believe are caused directly from your anxiety, then you need to look at what in your everyday life causes these types of reactions. what a common cold to one is swine flu to another. just take some things with a grain of salt and try and relax or the stress itself will cause you problems. its overwhelming I know but you've got go convince yourself that what your mind feels are only signals. it doesn't necessarily mean you are coming down with anything. butafter all rationality is set aside and symptoms escalate, seek help my friend.

I have periods where I'm rational and I think: "Okay, 1 in 750 chance of having MS, I'll take those odds any day. MS onset isn't even acute, all your symptoms have started in the last week. That doesn't happen with MS. And then, MS symptoms are hard symptoms from what I read. Mine go away".

And then there's other moments where I set rationality and odds aside and say, "what if I'm the 1 in 750. Oh you've got all these symptoms what else could it possibly be, anxiety has never done this to you before!" And then I remind myself, you've also never stressed yourself out for LITERALLY 40 days straight constantly through every hour of every day.

Also- no family history.
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"To live is rarest thing in the world. Most just simply exist." - Oscar Wilde

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Offline Potatoes

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Re: Struggling To Cope Today. (PLEASE Reply!)
« Reply #5 on: March 16, 2014, 07:00:58 PM »
But that alone, knowing you owe that much to get it fixed is anxiety triggering for sure. I'm looking at about the same cost to fix my pickup after I decided to take it wheelin. ):
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Offline AP151

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Re: Struggling To Cope Today. (PLEASE Reply!)
« Reply #6 on: March 16, 2014, 07:08:41 PM »
But that alone, knowing you owe that much to get it fixed is anxiety triggering for sure. I'm looking at about the same cost to fix my pickup after I decided to take it wheelin. ):

Been there... And actually, knowing I owe $1100 is the least of my worries these last 40 days. It all started after I used a neti pot with tap water, and worried about the brain eating amoeba stories my mom conveniently told me about that same night I used the neti pot. I live on Houston, TX which is just one state over from where 2 people died from doing the same thing, so I worried about that for 20 days until I finally came to the conclusion I was in the clear. Then my worries shifted to HIV after seeing Dallas Buyers Club and remembered unknowingly putting my hand in a small puddle of blood on a counter at the dentist when I was 10 (I'm 16) and also having unprotected sex with a girl I later found out was known to sleep around about a year ago. I've since found out she joined the Navy and tested negative for HIV when she did the entrance exams. THEN I had bowel issues for the last 2 weeks and worried about colon cancer because I had a small amount of blood on the paper, which I later discovered to be caused by a hemorrhoid. And now this, neurological disease.
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"To live is rarest thing in the world. Most just simply exist." - Oscar Wilde

"Don't take life so seriously, nobody makes it out alive anyway."

Offline AP151

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Re: Struggling To Cope Today. (PLEASE Reply!)
« Reply #7 on: March 16, 2014, 08:15:35 PM »
Just wish I could have the rational thinking ALL the time, not just some of it!
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"To live is rarest thing in the world. Most just simply exist." - Oscar Wilde

"Don't take life so seriously, nobody makes it out alive anyway."

Offline Potatoes

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Re: Struggling To Cope Today. (PLEASE Reply!)
« Reply #8 on: March 17, 2014, 01:00:03 PM »
Just wish I could have the rational thinking ALL the time, not just some of it!


It is what it is man. It's going to take a lot more than just simply wishing and twiddling your thumbs. I remember reading your post you had posted earlier, about your workout and the neti-pot. Have you gotten into seeing a Psychiatrist? Personally I'm pushing that right now only because I'm new to the whole Psychiatry thing, and just the fact alone that I stepped into her office, I didn't feel alone....

I felt that if I was going to kill over dead, I would at least have some source documented... Crazy sounding but like I wouldn't feel that I would just die and nobody would know why. That's irrational thinking but hey it works. It eased the thought of my fears and worries.

The medication ain't half bad either, you still gotta struggle with it and you still gotta fight through it, there's no two ways around it. Worrying yourself sick IS possible. Stress can cause a lot of complications on the body, so simply take a step back and find things to take your mind off of your worries. especially with school and stuff. You might not think about it, but every negative impact that occurs to you (even an overwhelming state of mind) it's going to enforce a negative influence on your behavior and/or emotions.

If you're overwhelmed with a test, you might do poorly or you might overthink it, but as soon as you finish that test... regardless of how you did... you could straight up BOMB the test, you'll still have a release of that tension that you just took the test to begin with.

It's a lot to take in, but keep posting, and keep pushing yourself into a clearer, rational state of mind. even if you stay somewhat-rational... you'll soon acclimate yourself to becoming 100% rational.

If something is bothering you, drop what you're doing, and take a different approach.
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Centuries are what it meant to me,
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Offline AP151

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Re: Struggling To Cope Today. (PLEASE Reply!)
« Reply #9 on: March 17, 2014, 01:09:05 PM »
Just wish I could have the rational thinking ALL the time, not just some of it!


It is what it is man. It's going to take a lot more than just simply wishing and twiddling your thumbs. I remember reading your post you had posted earlier, about your workout and the neti-pot. Have you gotten into seeing a Psychiatrist? Personally I'm pushing that right now only because I'm new to the whole Psychiatry thing, and just the fact alone that I stepped into her office, I didn't feel alone....

I felt that if I was going to kill over dead, I would at least have some source documented... Crazy sounding but like I wouldn't feel that I would just die and nobody would know why. That's irrational thinking but hey it works. It eased the thought of my fears and worries.

The medication ain't half bad either, you still gotta struggle with it and you still gotta fight through it, there's no two ways around it. Worrying yourself sick IS possible. Stress can cause a lot of complications on the body, so simply take a step back and find things to take your mind off of your worries. especially with school and stuff. You might not think about it, but every negative impact that occurs to you (even an overwhelming state of mind) it's going to enforce a negative influence on your behavior and/or emotions.

If you're overwhelmed with a test, you might do poorly or you might overthink it, but as soon as you finish that test... regardless of how you did... you could straight up BOMB the test, you'll still have a release of that tension that you just took the test to begin with.

It's a lot to take in, but keep posting, and keep pushing yourself into a clearer, rational state of mind. even if you stay somewhat-rational... you'll soon acclimate yourself to becoming 100% rational.

If something is bothering you, drop what you're doing, and take a different approach.

 I appreciate all of the help. I've gone to a psychiatrist in the past for other reasons. My parents had rough split when I was 5, and I've kind of been a chess piece in some ways throughout my life. Went through a 5 year court battle and ultimately was moved to Texas by my mom. I'd have to think that had an effect on my level of anxiety that exists today, though I always took pride in the fact that I was mentally tough and never let that whole ordeal bother me. Apparently it did, subconsciously.

I've been afraid of death since a very young age. I can remember vividly the day I found out that all of us die eventually. I remember nightmares from the rest of that week in detail. And then throughout my childhood I would be laying in bed on sitting down watching tv and then I'd have a thought that reminded me that we all die and I'd panic, I'd get up and start pacing really bad.

Guess my fear of death is now just presenting itself differently now that I'm older and am aware of more diseases.
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"To live is rarest thing in the world. Most just simply exist." - Oscar Wilde

"Don't take life so seriously, nobody makes it out alive anyway."

Offline Potatoes

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Re: Struggling To Cope Today. (PLEASE Reply!)
« Reply #10 on: March 17, 2014, 01:27:38 PM »
I appreciate all of the help. I've gone to a psychiatrist in the past for other reasons.

How did that pan out for you? Did it work or did it flop? Have you thought of seeing another one? It isn't a bad thing at all, people can say whatever they want about it, but opinions are opinions, and opinions hold 0 value. Maybe look into one if that's what you feel would ease or sooth your symptoms. You've got to remember... in your mindset, in your situation... it's all about you. It isn't about anybody else... and in that acute mindset, it's okay to be selfish with making sure you're okay. If somebody tells you just to "shake it off" then that's no better advice than frogs sit on lilipads. Sure you want to shake it off, but it is what you're wired to be, there's no changing that about you without your willingness to control it.

My parents had rough split when I was 5, and I've kind of been a chess piece in some ways throughout my life. Went through a 5 year court battle and ultimately was moved to Texas by my mom. I'd have to think that had an effect on my level of anxiety that exists today, though I always took pride in the fact that I was mentally tough and never let that whole ordeal bother me. Apparently it did, subconsciously.

Of course that took affect on you, you need to hang onto that and realize what you've gone through. You didn't just sit on your ass your whole life, flipping through the sci-fi channel, thinking you're going to die from a green blob or lava coming out of your sink faucet, You've got a strong mentality from this, possibly stronger than those who haven't experienced those types of situations, you have every right to state that these have an effect on your anxiety. People throw the word Anxiety around for everything. I could stub my toe and you could tie it to anxiety. It's good to know you understand that hey, you've been through a lot... especially at a young age. but yet you're fully developed and now you're fighting only a mental battle... you're not some twacked out foster child who never made it as far as you have (bless their hearts).

I've been afraid of death since a very young age. I can remember vividly the day I found out that all of us die eventually. I remember nightmares from the rest of that week in detail. And then throughout my childhood I would be laying in bed on sitting down watching tv and then I'd have a thought that reminded me that we all die and I'd panic, I'd get up and start pacing really bad.

Guess my fear of death is now just presenting itself differently now that I'm older and am aware of more diseases.


Death happens, as I've told many people it's an irrelevant battle to fight. spend your life fearing death... and guess what... you'll die with nothing left than the fear of death. It happens to all of us. it's nothing to fear and it's only something to accept.  Believe me, I don't want to die at the age of 23... but i most certainly would not want to live forever.
Just like the Red Hot Chili Peppers song Californication:

"Pay your surgeon very well to break the spell of aging,
Celebrity skin, is this your chin,
Or is it war you're waging?
"

That can be taken into many different contexts, but my perception is that many try hard to fight growing old, when it shouldn't be such a bad thing.

Think of growing old. raising a family and having children.... that's a younger generation who will be successors of you. there would be nothing happier than knowing that you'll die with children who will then raise family and do the same. it's a never ending cycle. it's nothing to fear, if you have something you want to achieve.

Best wishes to you.
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Centuries are what it meant to me,
A cemetery where I marry the sea.

 

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