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Author Topic: Obsessed with schizophrenia  (Read 163 times)

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Offline Alucard

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Obsessed with schizophrenia
« on: March 16, 2014, 02:03:01 PM »
Alright. 3 weeks ago I had a horrible experience on pot. I hadn't smoked in a while, so my tolerance was very low, but I got higher than I ever had before and convinced myself I was going insane that night. My thoughts were going 200 mph and I kept seeing weird patterns on my ceiling and had these really weird thoughts that made no sense. Even worse, at night when I was trying to fall asleep I felt like I couldn't even control my thoughts and that I wasn't the only person in me, if that makes sense (I wasn't hearing voices though, and it was a feeling that only lasted that night, thank god). Since then, I've had a crippling fear of becoming schizophrenic that I cannot get my mind off of. My anxiety has been through the roof since. Now it seems like anything unfamiliar is somewhat frightening to me. Only Ativan seems to bring me back to baseline, and now my body is beginning to build up a tolerance for it (two weeks ago, one 1 mg pill was enough to bring me down - now I need two of them). The last thing I want is to get hooked on benzos, but not even meditation or exercise brings down this fear.

Ever since I've researched the symptoms of schizophrenia, I feel like I have them. When I'm really anxious, I'll get intrusive thoughts (I have OCD and have experienced health anxiety before) like "my dog is a hell hound" or "these people aren't real". I know they aren't true, but what scares me is the thought that at some point I may start to believe them. This fear has driven me to multiple panic attacks. Complicating matters even more is the feeling of derealization that I've had since that night. The Ativan helps with that, but the feeling of nothing seeming real makes my thoughts that much more potent. I don't know how to fight this. I wish I'd never gotten high that night. Please help. I'm terrified of going insane. This is destroying me. I'll never smoke again. I realize that the key to feeling normal again is to stop thinking and obsessing over this, but right now I'm just not sure how to do that.
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Offline stephtronic

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Re: Obsessed with schizophrenia
« Reply #1 on: March 16, 2014, 03:59:15 PM »
Developing schizophrenia is actually a very, very common obsession for those with OCD. A lot of people obsess about it happening to them. Do you have anything else in place for dealing with your OCD besides Ativan? Like a steady medication and therapy? I think it would be very beneficial for you to look into these things and to treat the OCD.

You are not becoming schizophrenic. Schizophrenic people don't generally realize that they're "becoming" schizophrenic or that there behaviors are unnatural. The fact that you read the symptoms and think you have them now is unsurprising as well.

Reactions such as yours when smoking pot happen. You're not alone in that. It's happened to me before as well. But you have to remember that it was ALL drug induced. All of it. Not your brain but your brain on drugs. The effects are not permanent.
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Offline skywizzard

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Re: Obsessed with schizophrenia
« Reply #2 on: March 16, 2014, 04:36:41 PM »
About a year ago i had similar experience, really bad trip, got quite paranoid, racing, random thoughts and on top of that i thought i had auditory hallucinations, turned out it was my overly loud neighbour but that evening i thought i was going insane. Had some slight difficulties with weed for a few months after that, i didn't really feel comfortale with smoking, however that dissipated with time. Got pretty stoned last night actually and on my way home the birds were singing, and in the beginning it was quite beautiful and i enjoyed it but than at some point it became slightly overbearing, like too much for my brain to handle, drugs do strange things to our minds i guess. Anyhow don't worry you do not have schizophrenia.
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Offline Alucard

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Re: Obsessed with schizophrenia
« Reply #3 on: March 16, 2014, 05:36:04 PM »
Thanks. As for other meds - I began taking Remeron, an antidepressant, two weeks ago. It was initially prescribed to me as a substitute for Zoloft (which was causing me ***** sexual side effects) for physical health anxiety. So I figured it would probably work for mental health anxiety as well. It is knocking me out when I take it, much like Ativan, but its' other effects haven't quite hit yet. I just started therapy with a counselor, but I have yet to follow up with a psychiatrist. I probably should since Klonopin would probably be a better long term solution than Ativan. I know I need to stop googling symptoms of schizo (I probably would have been over this fear had I not accidentally discovered the "prodrome", ugh). I am beginning to exercise more, but since I just started again and I'm getting sore easily, it's not yet something I can do every day.
Anyone have any good meditation tips? The things I've been doing for that are listening to meditation music for 20 minutes (sitting with eyes closed) and either repeating the phrase "I'm sane" or examining my insecurities and attempting to resolve them. I think a lot of this comes from my long-standing idea that something is wrong with me (looooong story).
I recently took finasteride for hair loss, but when I found out that it could exacerbate anxiety I discontinued it (today is my first day without it). Aside from all of this, how should I fight this fear? All you guys telling me that I'm not loopy I'm grateful for and it helps temporarily, but as we all know, those reassurances are never permanent.
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