I hope everyone is doing well and staying the course on the road to recovery. I don't post here often because I find it a little pessimistic.
I'm a big believer in natural recovery, and I've seen it happen plenty. (I collect success stories, in fact.) I am still working on my success
story, though. I've made progress but still have bumps up and down. Still, life is better than it was in the past and I'm making progress.
I urge all of you to keep working on acceptance, reading Claire Weekes, learning about recovery and stress reduction, etc.
Quick background: First panic as a result of allergy meds but that was just a trigger. I was very stressed for a few years and it built up.
However, I've always been a positive person and still am. I sold myself short on what I deserved from people and have some things to clean
up in life. I also had to learn to slow down and give myself a break. But overall, I've lived 41 of my 45 years with almost zero real anxiety
symptoms until the med reaction. Since then, it's never gone completely.
My question is really just kind of a general one. I wonder if anyone relates to this...
-My condition feels deeply physical and cyclical.
-My condition is usually re-started during sleep cycles. (Early morning panic coming out of vivid or bad dreams, etc.)
-I sleep fine, until early AM.
-I have intense anxiety/panic type symptoms in the morning... even on my good days.
-Mornings feel like what is keeping me from recovering. (That and what happens during sleep.)
-I'm not tolerant to medications that work on the brain. Been there, done that... made me worse every time.
-I don't have phobias besides flying.
-I like being around people for the most part.
-I like going out and doing things.
-I have NO safe zone. My symptoms come when they want, go when they want and it rarely seems to relate to where I am. (Or so I can tell.)
-My anxiety is almost NEVER situational.
-You'll never hear me say... "I feel so much better when I get home" for example. It can be good at home, or bad... same with work.
-I work very hard at my recovery
-I feel I have a very good understanding of anxiety/panic, yet my body doesn't seem to be able to quite shake it.
-I will improve improve improve, and then it re-starts again during sleep. (Setback pattern.)
-My symptoms are what I call "rolling panic"... it feels like a panic attack that lasts hours or days. (Not 10 minutes like some people say.)
-I don't feel like I worry too much about day to day stuff. But when panic is high, of course that worry is higher. When it is low, I basically
feel care free.
-My condition feels TOTALLY random, totally spontaneous and totally without cause/effect, directly. Nothing I do seems to immediately make it
better or worse.
In other words, my condition is my problem... and it has a life of its own, it seems. Now, I know I have work to do. I know fearing
the condition keeps it alive, and I've gotten WAY better at that.
I guess I'm just asking to see if a few people can relate, because so much of what I see from people seems to be situational. Fear of going here...
fear of being there... or intrusive thoughts, or health fears, etc. I have had those in small doses, but have been able to crush them for the most part.
But, this rolling physical cycle still perplexes me. It FEELS like a medical condition, but of course we know it is not.
Just wondering if any others out there go through it this way, and in particular... if you've made progress in any ways outside of drugs.
Be well all!