Chat Now!   Member Gallery    Member Articles    Games   Member Groups   Member Blogs   Health News  Bored?

Author Topic: Alcohol and Anxiety  (Read 181 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline kwright1605

  • Just Joined!
  • Posts: 2
  • Rec's: 0
  • Gender: Female
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Alcohol and Anxiety
« on: March 14, 2014, 10:00:01 AM »
I am 25 years old and have been with my boyfriend (28 years old) for three years now. We currently live together and have a very loving and happy relationship! Our second year though, was very, very difficult for us as I discovered that I have an issue with alcohol. It wasn't until this relationship that I realized I have such a problem with it. When my boyfriend was in college, he drank like your "typical" college student. Would go out on the weekends, and drank to get drunk. I rarely drink and have rarely ever drank. After a few drunken nights early on in our relationship, I realized I couldn't handle it anymore. So for the next year it was arguments and conversations trying to get to the bottom of it. For awhile, he didn't understand where my feelings were coming from, nor did I. We didn't really know how to go about handling things either, until pretty much a year later we realized that we had to find a middle ground or it wasn't going to work. I knew that I could not give him an ultimatum because he could eventually resent me one day, which is probably why the process took so long. My boyfriend, being the sweet guy that he is, has not been drunk in over a year and a half. He has respected my concerns, and I have finally built up this trust so that every time we go out, I don't worry whether or not he is going to get drunk. (It's a huge turn-off for me, and in the beginning when he would get drunk- I would get very distant, not want to talk to him, be touched by him, etc.) To this day though, whenever a social event comes up, like his yearly family reunion (his family LOVES to drink) or weddings, etc...a little part of me still gets anxious leading up to the event. I try to hide it because I don't want him to think that I haven't moved passed it...But fast-forward to last night. We got on the topic of strip-clubs because his coworker recently went to one on his bachelor party weekend, which led to relationship problems. My BF said that his coworker did not want to go, but the rest of the group did so he just went. (Right, I'm sure...). However, I also know alcohol played a huge factor in that night, and so when my BF asked what my feelings were on the subject, I just simply said we talked about this for an entire year, I really hope it stuck. I told him that every time I think about his bachelor weekend I get massive anxiety because I know all that is involved.. (I know he won't do strip clubs, but I DO know he will get drunk). Why do I allow myself to get so worked up over something that is so far down the road (We are not even engaged!!). He continues to ask why I get so worked up over something that hasn't happened in so long...and I said I guess because I know it's going to happen that weekend. And he always says "So you don't trust me?"...and I always say... "No, it's not you I don't trust...it's the alcohol." So I guess, I just want to know or would like help on why I get so upset over things that aren't even in the present... and why I have such strong feelings towards alcohol...and why, even after a year and a half of my BF respecting my wishes that I STILL have a hard time attending social events that will have heavy drinking? Especially at his family reunion, when it's just FAMILY there. I have never considered myself an insecure person...or a jealous person for that matter because I know that I have a keeper that will never, ever hurt me, cheat on me, etc. I'm not naive, I know that I have a truly, good man. So why is it that something like alcohol is controlling my life and my feelings to the point where I can't let the thoughts go and I just continue to build it up in my head? Sorry for the jumbled mess...it's my first post on here. Thanks for listening!
Bookmark and Share

Online Cuchculan

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 10243
  • Country: ie
  • Rec's: 161
  • Gender: Male
    • Poke This Member
Re: Alcohol and Anxiety
« Reply #1 on: March 14, 2014, 02:56:17 PM »
People with anxiety issues based around most things live in the future. That is the main problem and it is the reason they have the anxiety. The game of ' what if '. If you know an event is coming up you are three steps ahead of yourself. Living that moment way before it ever happens. This is what is causing you the anxiety. It is very common with us anxiety sufferers. We simply have to try and take things day by day. Don't try and live next week, this week. Wait till next week arrives before you live it. You are building this anxiety inside of yourself. And it wants to come out. It wants to explode. I know how hard it can be. But you have to try and live in the present time. Relationships are all about trust. I think your boyfriend has done well keeping up his part of your agreement. A lot of others would have failed long before now. So trust him. If you are faced with any situations that are going to come up in the future, wait until the week they are going to happen and then sit down with him and talk about things. If you keep at him this far ahead of time he might get fed up hearing about it and just think to himself ' I am getting in to trouble for nothing anyway, may as well get in to trouble for something '. Then he might begin to drink again. He has earned that trust. Give him his chance. Let things settle down. Try and stay in the present time. Next week won't come any quicker if you keep thinking about it. It will only build your anxiety up thinking about it. And for what? Last year or so he has done nothing at all. I bet you were worried a few times he would go off the rails on you with drink. It never happened. So you worked yourself up for no reason at all. Worth thinking about. Just live today as it happens. Keep talking with him. Not giving out to him. If he does good tell him you love him for what he has done. Make him feel like / know that you are happy with his efforts. Because to be fair he has done good.
Bookmark and Share
The Lovable Irish Rogue

Offline kwright1605

  • Just Joined!
  • Posts: 2
  • Rec's: 0
  • Gender: Female
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: Alcohol and Anxiety
« Reply #2 on: March 15, 2014, 07:26:38 PM »
Thank you so much for the response. I should have clarified that we rarely talk about drinking anymore, and I keep it to myself that I am nervous about such an outing. I would hate to have him think that I haven't moved past it or continue to get anxious about it. He is very patient, so I make sure to recognize that whenever I can. But I appreciate your advice with "living in the now". That is something I definitely need to work on. I woke up feeling better the next day, it's just hard for me to calm myself down once I am worked up over something.
Bookmark and Share

 

Related Topics

  Subject / Started by Replies Last post
8 Replies
1349 Views
Last post April 16, 2011, 06:44:33 PM
by kiwimelnz
11 Replies
11996 Views
Last post May 02, 2011, 09:21:48 AM
by GenSec
3 Replies
3035 Views
Last post August 03, 2011, 09:17:30 AM
by scugg
6 Replies
13722 Views
Last post June 28, 2012, 03:25:55 AM
by reddwolf
11 Replies
431 Views
Last post August 09, 2012, 03:48:10 PM
by Alphyn
2 Replies
227 Views
Last post February 01, 2014, 11:27:27 AM
by MobileChucko

anything