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Author Topic: Help with destressing intrusive thoughts :(  (Read 593 times)

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Offline Guitarhero

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Help with destressing intrusive thoughts :(
« on: March 13, 2014, 04:54:17 PM »
Hi everyone at anxiety forum,

My name's Dan.

I've suffered with anxiety/depression and OCD for 16 years or so. Thoughout that time of dealing with this illness I have never experienced intrusive thoughts as bad as what im experiencing now. I'm having extreme difficulty controlling/blocking out intusive thoughts that have been tormenting me for nearly two years now. The thoughts are of my girlfriend having sex with her ex that she was with before me. To add to the anxiety is the fact he works very closely with her at their place of work as she has to manage him and that he also lives in the same street as her 10 houses away. I currently live with my girlfriend in her house and I fear to pass his house or even see him pass in the street without my anxiety and intrusive thoughts kicking in reminding me that "that's the guy who's put his penis in my girl" as discusting and perverse as that sounds. We have talked about how I feel one too many times, with it ending with me getting angry and more upset. The intrusive thoughts have even sent me into a rage wanting to cause harm to this ex of her's even though he has done nothing wrong and the rage can even make me behave in an uncharacteristic manner. I can see the rational side of it all, even if I hate knowing that she still has to keep contact with him for work purposes, which I can understand. There's just this other side that just makes me feel uncomfortable .I do love my girlfriend and I know she loves me,  but I feel this has gone on for too long now that it's effecting our relationship and making me feel distant from her. Even though this ex of her's has moved on with another girl and they're having a baby toghether, it still dosn't stop the vile intrusive thoughts of my girlfriend and her ex having sex. It's become a daily obsessional thought that is controlling my life that I cant seem to stop. I feel a total freak and very ashamed and alone. I dont want to end the relationship as it can be amazing when the OCD is not in play, but it has crossed my mind that I may be better off as it may stop the discusting intrusive thoughts. Thank you for taking time out to read this and apologies for the lengh of this post - it seems i've gotten carried away. Has anyone else experienced the same intrusive thoughts? Any advice or guidence to combat this or contol it would be very much appriecated.

Dan
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Offline Leo99

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Re: Help with destressing intrusive thoughts :(
« Reply #1 on: March 17, 2014, 05:56:23 PM »
Hi Dan and welcome to Anxiety Zone!

First off, I would like to say that I did not experience this type of intrusive thoughts (mine were of violent nature). However, trying to block intrusive thoughts or replacing them etc. usually does not help. In fact, it can make matters worse. What helped me was recognizing these thoughts as a symptom of ocd and- letting them be. Letting them buzz at the back of my brain. Intrusions feed from our analysis and fears and when we stop paying attention to them, they kinda give up  :winking0008:.
I would suggest looking into CBT if you haven't yet.

The best of luck to you and your girlfriend!
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Offline Guitarhero

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Re: Help with destressing intrusive thoughts :(
« Reply #2 on: April 14, 2014, 02:40:15 PM »
Many thanks Leo99 for your advice,

Im going to get CBT in a few weeks time and hope this helps me.

Since writing the post I havn't looked to see if I had any replies due to feeling so silly and embarressed about it..

Things remained the same - intrusive thoughts, bad feelings, till two weeks ago I woke up from sleep and felt a sense of 'freedom' like i could control the thoughts. I dont know what happened?? The thoughts were there but not as loud as i was used to, and i could dismiss them, it was weird..waiting for it to come back like it was 'too good to be true'. But i flowed with what i felt was the' control' over the thoughts. This lasted for two weeks and only recently the thoughts started niggling at the back of my mind, like there reminding me there still there and will come back. Im fighting it and when I attend the CBT i will give it everything i have.


Thanks for your reply

Dan
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Offline Walnut

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Re: Help with destressing intrusive thoughts :(
« Reply #3 on: April 14, 2014, 06:33:08 PM »
I agree with leo 100%. You have to accept that you cannot control or suppress these thoughts. Im 33 now and have had anxiety since childhood. I experienced some intrusive thoughts in my 20s but never to the extreme that I have the past 10 months. IT has been a nightmare and any progress that I had previously made with my anxiety/ocd is now gone. My thoughts are violent, sometimes sexual but not often, fear of losing control or impulse control, contamination etc.
I wonder if maybe you have some insecurities about yourself that may deep down make you a tad jealous? Or if its just purely an intrusive thought? I can understand the thoughts you are having b/c I could see myself thinking the same stuff.
I am somewhat jealous in my relationships. I do not know how to trust people. I have been married for about 9 years now and even to this day if my wife calls and says, "im gonna be running a few minutes late coming home from work" my mind automatically starts throwing thoughts at me that she is seeing someone else. I have no reason not to trust her. It makes you sick to think the thoughts but you have no control over them. I also notice that when I have been to her work to take her something if theres a new male worker I start having thoughts about him trying to hit on my wife or them sneaking around behind my back.
So, I can definitely relate to how you feel. Im sorry I dont have any answers for you but just wanted to let you know  that I share  similar thoughts and that you arent alone.

I can tell you this. If someone does ever hit on her and she tells you about it. Do not let her see how angry it makes you. She may never tell you again if it does because she doesnt want to see you get into trouble.
There was a delivery man that had been hitting on my wife at her work and she had confronted the man and he still didnt stop. The store manager would actually always be around my wife when this guy came to deliver because it he made her feel uncomfortable. I personally blame the company she works for, for not having called the company he worked for and let them know of the situation. A few weeks later he caught her taking a break with a female co-worker. He walks by her playing with his phone, turns and looks at her and says, " I'd give you my number but I bet yer husband wouldnt like that would he?" she replied "No he wouldnt and he's not gonna like when I tell him when I get home!" She had no idea I would lose it. When she told me I was sooooo mad. I called a friend and found out who the guy was and I caught him out in the parking lot of a grocery store. I have never seen a grown man so scared in all my life. After meeting me he never delivered to my wifes store. He actually had his route changed and then later found a different job altogether. My wife was pretty upset that I went after this guy for fear I could have went to jail or she could lose her job. I tried to assure her that if they fired her I would sue the company as they had several complaints and should have done more. If I  could do it all again. I wouldnt change a thing. Sometimes you got to put a man in his place.
Back to the topic.
Try and just let the thoughts come. Practice not reacting to them with that sick in the gut feeling that you are getting. I know you know what Im talking about. Let the thought come and just tell yourself. "That's irrational, my girl loves me. If she didnt she wouldnt be with me." The guy is her EX for a reason. I hope you get some relief from this soon my friend.
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Offline bluerose

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Re: Help with destressing intrusive thoughts :(
« Reply #4 on: April 15, 2014, 03:43:14 AM »
There's something I can tell you about OCD -- if it's not one obsession it will be a different one down the road.  When in the grip of an obsession of something I regretting doing I'd convince myself that if I just hadn't done the one thing I was obsessing about that I would be fine and everything would be ok.  It took me years and being on medication to realize this was false.  Real OCD is a chronic illness that can wax and wane.  I found mine got worse when I was stressed.  It would be a shame to end your relationship with your girlfriend thinking this would solve your OCD especially since your relationship with her is a good one.  I hope the cognitive behavior therapy helps you.
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You wanted justice, but there was none, only love.

 

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