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Author Topic: I can't live like this anymore.... So god damn painful  (Read 582 times)

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Offline DeLellis123

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I can't live like this anymore.... So god damn painful
« on: March 12, 2014, 03:57:47 PM »
I'm anxious about everything I still live at home, my gf is giving up on me I'm miserable, I'm absolutely pinned to my fuckin knees with pain, I feel helpless isolated, and cold. Everyone is getting annoyed by me constantly bitching about my health, I'm weak and so tiered and in so much pain. I donno my own self anymore, I have no happiness left inside me, my friends keep telling me I look dead inside, it hurts my head to cry, my fuckin tears burn, I cannot function..... I am absolutely pinned down, I'm no longer at rock bottom, I'm underneath it.
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Offline kconnors

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Re: I can't live like this anymore.... So god damn painful
« Reply #1 on: March 12, 2014, 05:07:33 PM »
Look, from your post, you need some serious intervention and you need it now . . . are you working with a doctor, general or psychiatrist, or a counsellor? If so, get to them and now. If not, is there an clinic nearby or a mental health support line that you can call . . . even the emergency room at the hospital . . . somehow, get some type of professional intervention . . . .if you are below rock bottom, you need someone there who has the skills to help you start the journey out . . . please do not wait to get some type of help . . . is your family supportive of you or do you feel that they are not there for you? In either case, ask one more time for them to help you to get to professional help. . . perhaps there is even an inpatient clinic because it appears you need intensive daily therapy to help you restart your life . . . I am sorry that I have nothing else to offer you but if and when you can, will you let us know what's going for you . . . . we'll do our best to support you through this community . . .take care, kc
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Offline DeLellis123

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Re: I can't live like this anymore.... So god damn painful
« Reply #2 on: March 12, 2014, 06:54:22 PM »
I'm not seeing anyone at the moment, I need too tho I need help so bad.
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Offline CrazyCatLady

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Re: I can't live like this anymore.... So god damn painful
« Reply #3 on: March 12, 2014, 07:25:17 PM »
I'm not seeing anyone at the moment, I need too tho I need help so bad.

Make it happen. You are the only one who can take that first step in getting help. Do it as soon as possible.
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Offline Dudeyys

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Re: I can't live like this anymore.... So god damn painful
« Reply #4 on: March 12, 2014, 09:01:00 PM »
Bro. Im so sorry you are going through this. You are not alone. You need to make some serious commitment to getting help. It sounds like you have severe anxiety and depression. I think you should honestly admit yourself to a psych hospital. I know that sounds scary but it can get you immediate help with out having to jump through many hoops. Going there does not make you crazy. It saved my life multiple times. Try to avoid using benzo meds. I think you need to start trying some SSRI antidepressants like Lexapro or Zoloft. This will take patience and relief wont be over night. These meds can take weeks to take full effect as it builds in your system which is why you should admit yourself so at least you can be closely monitored 24/7. This will bring you some peace of mind during your recovery. Things can get worse before they get better on antidepressants while your brain is adjusting. You have to bite the bullet and get through it.
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Offline Dudeyys

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Re: I can't live like this anymore.... So god damn painful
« Reply #5 on: March 12, 2014, 09:25:07 PM »
The way I see it is you have 2 choices. You can quit, throw in the towel and let this thing win... Or you dig deep and FIGHT. You came here seeking answers. Most of us can relate to you which is why we want to help. We can't do it for you though. We can only support you through this battle. You have a long road ahead and if you want your life back you may have to fight tooth and nail but it will be worth it. You may have a mental illness but the illness isn't you. It doesn't define you. You and you alone dictate your future not this sickness. Fight man. Your family doesn't get it? Pitty on them. They need to be educated and shown you can't control how you are feeling and that it isn't your fault. I may not know you but you are a fellow human being and I care about you and don't want to see you suffer any longer. I know you have fight in you or you wouldn't have even come here. If you are afraid of doing this alone message me. I'll be your friend. I'll understand. I wont grow tired of you because I know. Trust me, I know. I also know you can be helped and this doesn't have to be forever. So get help immediately. Not tomorrow. Not next week. NOW! And keep us posted man.
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Offline DeLellis123

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Re: I can't live like this anymore.... So god damn painful
« Reply #6 on: March 13, 2014, 02:50:05 AM »
I'm on a benzo daily, I just can't stop obsessing over my fuckin health it's driving me up a wall. And on top of that I'm worried about when I do get off the kpins cause I heard it's hell and I've been on them too long. I'm suppose to start effexor soon, that's what I was on before for 6 years but I'm anxious to take it. I keep having muscle contractions on my arm, I just feel like I'm loosing it man. My gf is makin me feel like ***** I'm afraid to be alone, ***** sucks. I've been fighting this anxiety for like a year. Im diagnosed with gad, depression and OCD and I have OCD over my anxiety. wtf.
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Offline DeLellis123

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Re: I can't live like this anymore.... So god damn painful
« Reply #7 on: March 13, 2014, 02:56:00 AM »
Idk what feeling normal is anymore I really don't, I'm just like a caged emotionless rat. I'm not gonna give up cause I'm to scared to die, I'm just tired of staying strong.
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Offline Dudeyys

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Re: I can't live like this anymore.... So god damn painful
« Reply #8 on: March 13, 2014, 03:35:00 AM »
I don't know who your psychiatrist is but benzos as your first or only line of defense against anxiety is a huge recipe for disaster in my opinion.  Even with kpins having a much longer half life it still reduces your brains GABA receptors. Not to mention there are possible cognitive damages that may occur from long term benzo use. I say "possible" because I'm not sure how credible these studies are. From personal experience I can tell you I suffered short term memory loss from extended benzo use. Also being physically dependent on this stuff is no joke. You can detox from heroin in less than a week. Benzo detox can sometimes take months, often a year or longer. The withdrawals are the exact opposite of what benzos are used to treat. So think anxiety and depression times a million. I'm not trying to scare you but this is the reality. Benzos should be a last resort when all else has failed. Ever have your leg fall asleep and when it wakes up it is unbearably tingly? The longer your leg is asleep the more sensitive to stimuli it becomes. This is much like the brain when "waking up" or kicking its GABA game back in to gear. The longer you're on benzos the more severe and lasting the withdrawals will be. I quit cold turkey. Don't do that unless you want to hurl yourself into a literal living hell. I did it because my dependence was affecting my family and I decided I'd rather die than continue benzo usage. Luckily I didn't die. Lost about 30 lbs from starvation though. You may also be experiencing inter-dose withdrawals or "rebound" anxiety which benzos including kpin are infamous for. If so thats a tiny taste of what true withdrawal is like. I can only speak from first hand experience. I truly believe benzos to be the most wicked class of drugs in existence and think they are over prescribed and given to unknowing patients who don't fully comprehend the fire they are playing with.
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Offline DeLellis123

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Re: I can't live like this anymore.... So god damn painful
« Reply #9 on: March 13, 2014, 01:09:20 PM »
I actually hate the way benzodiazepines makes me feel, so that might help me out a lot getting off them. I feel like there giving me like an adverse affect
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Offline DeLellis123

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Re: I can't live like this anymore.... So god damn painful
« Reply #10 on: March 13, 2014, 01:12:23 PM »
Now I'm terrified to wean off them
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Offline DeLellis123

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Re: I can't live like this anymore.... So god damn painful
« Reply #11 on: March 13, 2014, 01:16:25 PM »
My legs keep falling asleep very easily and are now very tingly... I'm starting to think there actually giving me anxiety, I know it's rare but I think I'm having like paradoxical effects.
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Offline DeLellis123

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Re: I can't live like this anymore.... So god damn painful
« Reply #12 on: March 13, 2014, 01:17:57 PM »
There somehow making me feel worse.
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Offline DeLellis123

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Re: I can't live like this anymore.... So god damn painful
« Reply #13 on: March 13, 2014, 01:28:39 PM »
Now I wanna fuckin cry I feel trapped now cause of stories I hear, I'm afraid I'm gonna die or have a seizure or something wtf, I knew I shouldn't have started taking this *****
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Offline DeLellis123

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Re: I can't live like this anymore.... So god damn painful
« Reply #14 on: March 13, 2014, 01:35:26 PM »
I gotta start effexor soon, I want off these, someone help me wtf now I feel like I'm gonna be trapped on them.
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