Chat Now!   Member Gallery    Member Articles    Games   Member Groups   Member Blogs   Health News    Bored?

Author Topic: And After All This, Depressed Too  (Read 252 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline CarrieAnn

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 409
  • Rec's: 14
  • Gender: Female
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
And After All This, Depressed Too
« on: March 11, 2014, 10:53:23 PM »
Well if you have read any of my previous posts you may know that I try to keep a very positive attitude about my anxiety, and life in general, but tonight it has finally dawned on my that my rose-colored glasses have been blinding me to the fact that I think I am depressed, and actually have been for awhile.

We had a family gathering tonight--about 10 of us went out to dinner to say farewell to a niece who is moving out of state.  A lot of my anxiety revolves around social gatherings, and eating in restaurants.  So, the apprehension built throughout the day, but of course I am very determined to face things.  Italian restaurants are difficult because of my wheat allergy, but I ordered grilled chicken and steamed broccoli.  Eating is also difficult because when I am anxious my throat tightens up making swallowing a scary thing.  But, once again I fake till I make it, and eat as best I can.

So, in sitting with these people who obviously have no issues with anxiety because they eat their food without holding back---they just go for it with gusto, made me realize I have a problem.

Now, I once was a girl who loved to go out to eat anywhere, anytime---and I would eat, happily.  This evening out made me see that I am not the person I once was....also made me see that the limitations that have been put on my life because of anxiety have caused a depression....a depression that I don't recognize because I have denied it, or gotten used to it---or both.

There was a younger couple sitting near my husband and I....they were the spitting image of us back in the day---the day of no anxiety.  Kind of saddened me, made me wonder where did I go wrong, and will I ever get back to my old self.

Any words of encouragement would be great; thank you so much!
Bookmark and Share

Offline Cuchculan

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 11147
  • Country: ie
  • Rec's: 169
  • Gender: Male
    • Poke This Member
Re: And After All This, Depressed Too
« Reply #1 on: March 12, 2014, 07:27:59 AM »
When we have anxiety we tend to look back to a time when we were happy. Maybe the last time we were ever really happy. Without any problems in the world at all. It doesn't mean you are depressed. It means you are thinking back to those days when you could do things without any worry at all. We all do it at some point in time. Even if it was 20 years ago. We can take ourselves back to that time. It brings us down to see how we turned out today. I wouldn't class such a thing as depression. I would simply class it as looking backwards in life. Remember the good times we once had. Wanting to be that person again. You never know. With a bit of belief and a lot of hard work you might just get that life back again. Nothing is impossible.
Bookmark and Share
The Lovable Irish Rogue

Offline tinam7

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2698
  • Country: us
  • Rec's: 76
  • Gender: Female
    • Poke This Member
Re: And After All This, Depressed Too
« Reply #2 on: March 12, 2014, 08:34:21 AM »
I have this belief that depression is at the root of all else that can develop (anxiety, panic, OCD, etc.). If we are prone to depression we may get periods of relief, but must regularly keep a watchful eye out for its return.

Some will say we need meds along with talk therapy. I've developed my own approach with CBT, journaling, exercise, meditation. In this way I approach it with moderated expectations, with acceptance, with insight, understanding and hope for the good days which appear now and then. This is good enough for an oldie like me, but probably not good enough for a young person. Regardless, it can be an adventure of learning and discovery.
Bookmark and Share

Offline CarrieAnn

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 409
  • Rec's: 14
  • Gender: Female
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: And After All This, Depressed Too
« Reply #3 on: March 12, 2014, 12:49:56 PM »
Thank You for Your insight Cuchulan and Tina!  Yes, I suppose it's not reasonable to be unaccepting to the fact that the many experiences I've had along the way since my younger years have changed me, for better or worse.  I have seen a lot of the rough things life can throw at a person, yet on the other hand, I have gained so much insight and wisdom because of it.  Going through so much can wear a person out mentally etc., but I do like the person I have become; I love my care and concern, my sense of humor and ability to laugh still, I love the fight I have no matter how weak I feel. 

I'm hoping this funk goes as quick as it came, because I don't have time to be depressed!
Bookmark and Share

Offline SummerSun41

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 77
  • Rec's: 2
  • Gender: Female
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: And After All This, Depressed Too
« Reply #4 on: March 12, 2014, 10:09:30 PM »
Honestly, I don't think you sound depressed. So many people are so quick to say "Oh I don't feel great, I must be depressed" and I'm sorry, but I think that is incorrect. Just because you feel down for a few moments because this situation caused you anxiety, doesn't mean you are depressed. Depression would've prevented you from even going to eat. Anxiety itself causes negative emotions. Just because you're missing your anxiety-free life doesn't mean you have to live that way forever! I have anxiety but I will never let it control me so much that I get depressed- there are so many good things in life to be thankful for. Just from reading your post, it seems that you have a great family to be thankful for, money to go out to eat with, and delicious food to savor. SO many others out there don't have that! Don't let your anxiety control you. Don't let it prevent you from enjoy the moment! Sure, it makes things uncomfortable, but it only has as much power as you give it. Never quit fighting it and stay strong! :)
Bookmark and Share

Offline CarrieAnn

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 409
  • Rec's: 14
  • Gender: Female
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: And After All This, Depressed Too
« Reply #5 on: March 13, 2014, 12:20:25 PM »
Summer, that was absolutely the most uplifting, beautiful post! Thank You so much!

You're probably right...my sister (who is a Registered Nurse) says the same thing, that if I were depressed I would not be able to function like I do.  I think that if I am depressed it's very mild; I think I need to focus on the very good aspects of my life.

There are many things I can be grateful for, and proud of....I feel blessed to have managed to keep my marriage going after 23+ years despite a couple rough patches....I am happy that I have remained a relatively positive person even though I've been through the mill with anxiety.....I'm sure there are many other things to think of in my life that can pull me out of this 'poor me' funk, I just need to let go of the few set-backs I've been having.

This morning I dragged myself (unwillingly) out of bed, did a full lower-body strength training work out, took a bath, had breakfast---all in the hopes of jump-starting my focus on the good.
Bookmark and Share

Offline SummerSun41

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 77
  • Rec's: 2
  • Gender: Female
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: And After All This, Depressed Too
« Reply #6 on: March 13, 2014, 09:02:08 PM »
I'm glad I could help! :)

I just don't like to see people get down on themselves is all. I hope I didn't come across as having a "suck it up" mentality because believe me, I know how sucky it can be. I'm only 23 and I'm hopeful that I can beat this silly monster that is lingering in the background. I feel so close to recovery but I have some derealization & existential fears/fear of the future. But I fully believe that if we keep working on ourselves and keep chipping away at this anxiety little by little, we can go back to "normal"! Hope you keep pushing through and get out of this "funk," whatever it is, soon. Stay positive! :)
Bookmark and Share

Offline CarrieAnn

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 409
  • Rec's: 14
  • Gender: Female
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: And After All This, Depressed Too
« Reply #7 on: March 13, 2014, 10:04:45 PM »
Summer, it didn't come across that way at all...in fact it was exactly what I needed to hear.  You are very wise for 23, by the way ;)  It was great advice!
Bookmark and Share

Offline AncientMelody

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 724
  • Rec's: 15
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: And After All This, Depressed Too
« Reply #8 on: March 14, 2014, 09:43:56 PM »
Carrie I'm sorry you're having a rough time right now. The chronic nature of anxiety is hard to deal with. I'm tired right now, so nothing too profound to say. Just get a good nights rest and I hope tomorrow is a better day
Bookmark and Share

Offline CarrieAnn

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 409
  • Rec's: 14
  • Gender: Female
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: And After All This, Depressed Too
« Reply #9 on: March 14, 2014, 10:24:42 PM »
Melody, thanks for your reply!  It helps to be able to commiserate with others who know the pain; to know others completely understand really does help :)
Bookmark and Share

Tags:
 

Related Topics

  Subject / Started by Replies Last post
3 Replies
803 Views
Last post October 24, 2008, 12:20:09 PM
by ceh1354
2 Replies
1098 Views
Last post March 12, 2009, 08:13:52 PM
by savexourxship
7 Replies
1057 Views
Last post March 13, 2009, 09:24:38 AM
by sportybears
1 Replies
1460 Views
Last post July 23, 2011, 06:36:44 AM
by Cuchculan
1 Replies
673 Views
Last post June 04, 2012, 03:35:45 PM
by spitfireatme