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Author Topic: I ruined (almost ruined?) a perfectly good relationship because of obsessiveness  (Read 260 times)

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Offline nox26

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Hi, obviously from the post count I'm new here. Last October I started dating this amazing girl. She was my first girlfriend and I'm 23 so that is sort of odd, I know. She is an absolutely fantastic woman. I truly do love her, but not long into the relationship I started to question EVERYTHING. (I've had a similar problem before, not about a relationship, so I'm now seeing a therapist but it's only gotten worse.) Basically I constantly questioned when I should love her, did I love her, was she the right one for me, did we have enough in common, etc. to the point where it got debilitating for both of us. We had almost broken up for another reason a month or so ago, and it hit me like a ton of bricks how much I really loved her. Yet 2 days later I went back to questioning. 

And now she broke up with me this past Thursday. She didn't want to break up with me, but she felt the only way I could fix myself was to work on myself without her there. I cried a ton over the past few days, and everything I saw or heard made me miss her. This morning she texted me and said how much she missed me, and I agreed how much I missed her too, but we couldn't be together till I worked on myself. And then a little bit after I started to question if I really missed her that much and now I just feel hollow. It makes no sense. I refuse to believe everything I have felt for her was a sham. I just don't understand why I can't stop questioning my feelings. And I hate what it does to her.

Has anyone else ever went through anything similar?
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Offline Cuchculan

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For what it is worth I think you are both best off apart for now. Until you can sort out your issues. Which are like intrusive thoughts in a way. We have had many people with the same sort of issues. Questioning the romance they were involved in. It is like the person takes things in life and stops. Looks over them all. Then picks them apart bit by bit trying to validate everything. If they can't validate it they wonder if it was meant to be. Seen a therapist is the right way forward. To be able to stop yourself when you find yourself doing this. To learn to accept things as they are. It will all come right in time. It is all about learning. Learning to control your own thoughts. Learning to stop yourself mid thought. A therapist will teach you all of this. Then you try and use what you learn and make things happen for the good in the life.
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The Lovable Irish Rogue

Offline nox26

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I'm trying so hard to believe it will get right with time but so far all we have worked on is breathing exercises and I know there is a reason for it or we wouldnt do it but I absolutely hate the hollow feeling.
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Offline Cuchculan

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Not to act the therapist here. But maybe carry a pen and paper with you. You begin to doubt something, write it down. Then write down five reasons why it could be true. Then five why it could be wrong. You are looking at the rational and the irrational thoughts you have come up with on paper now. Which make more sense to you? These things you doubt, is there any rational reason for any of the doubts to be true? Actual facts you can see or have seen. It is best done on paper so you can read back over it all and maybe see things a bit more clearly when the thoughts have gone away again. Worth a try. Nothing to lose.
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