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Author Topic: Need Reassurance  (Read 138 times)

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Offline Britty44

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Need Reassurance
« on: March 08, 2014, 08:05:53 PM »
Hi, this is my first post on these boards. I have been lurking through the posts for a while but finally decided I needed to make my own post. I don't really know where to start, but I have been dealing with anxiety for a long time (and I never really noticed it). My aunt died of cancer when I was 7 and since that I have had a terrible separation anxiety to my mom (even to this day when I am almost 19) Since her death I remember being more aware of health, much more than a 7 year old should. I remember getting a sore stomach and crying to my mom that I had cancer. It doesn't help that my grandpa (who died when I was 10) was a hypochondriac.

Anyway, since I was small my separation anxiety and sore stomachs were really all that I ever experienced. I never really thought I had anxiety. However, in September my brother had a terrifying scare. Me and my mom and brother were home and were watching movie's and my bro went to the bathroom. When he came out he said his heart was beating fast. My mom took him outside and told him to deep breath. That didn't help and it got worse. We called an ambulance and waited. My brother was crying in pain and telling my mom he loved her. I was running down the driveway repeating 'please God please God' begging the ambulance to arrive. It turns out my brothers heart short circuited. He had tests and the doctor said it may never happen again.

Since then I hold my breath at my brothers every move. If he scratches his chest, I panic. It has gotten better as time goes on but I still catch myself doing it...Then in December, I got a bloody nose, which went down my nose and into my throat. I started spitting out the blood. (obviously since the nose and throat are connected. But I couldn't convince myself of this and begged my mom to take me to emergency. She got me calmed down and it stopped. Since then I have had phlegm in my throat and constantly spit it up (in fear of seeing blood). I also started feeling dizzy around that time and getting headaches. Before long I felt numbness, heart racing, earthquake feeling, dizziness, shakes etc etc. Pretty much every symptom of anxiety listed, I managed to get.

I am deathly afraid of doctors, and scared they are going to tell me I have a terrible disease. I did however manage to go to a therapist twice. I felt better for a few weeks, and the symptoms got better, however the headaches and dizziness persisted. My family and I just got back from a 10 day long vacation, where my anxiety almost completely left me, other than a few small headaches. We got back on Thursday and now my headaches returned. Last night I woke up and the room felt like it was spinning. It freaked me out (this has only happened one other time since all this began) and today I was shaky and my vision felt blurry. Tonight I laid down and closed my eyes for a minute and the room felt like it was spinning agin! I am scared to go to bed now...My ear was blocked for the whole ten days of my vacation and unblocked on the plane home (I have had ear issues for a few years) so I'm wondering if that has anything to do with it or if it's my anxiety again, or something else...I know I should see my doctor to at least put my mind at ease but I am terrified! I thought I was getting better and now this...

Sorry for such a long post but I just needed to get it all out there. I really just need to be told that everything will be ok. I'm sure half of my symptoms were all in my head but I just keep thinking what if? I'm even scared to post this for a fear of the responses telling me something scary! Anyway thanks for letting me vent.....
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Offline Cuchculan

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Re: Need Reassurance
« Reply #1 on: March 09, 2014, 06:40:13 AM »
Look at it this way. You go away for ten days and things are perfect. You come back and it is back to square one again. This is typical anxiety. If it was anything else it wouldn't vanish for ten days and come back as it has done with you. During those ten days you had something else to focus on. Other than yourself. That is the key thing here. Finding other things to focus on. To take your mind off of yourself. Once you learn how to do this you will find you will feel less anxiety. As it stands now you are focused on every little twinge in your body. By focusing on it you are feeding your own fears. Making things worse. Looks for things to do. At night put on a radio. Focus on that as you drift off to sleep. The whole ear thing can be another anxiety symptom as well. I have had it before. Like I was deaf in one ear. It always rights itself after a few days. So we place everything down to anxiety. You simply need an outlet. Something other than yourself to focus on. Once you find this outlet things will pick up for you.
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Offline Britty44

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Re: Need Reassurance
« Reply #2 on: March 09, 2014, 08:48:37 AM »
Thanks Chuculan! That's what I've been trying to tell myself, 'why would my symptoms decide to take a vacation with me if it was anything other than anxiety?' But to hear it from someone else helps a lot! I just hate it because every time I think I'm getting better and can tell myself it's just anxiety, I get a completely new symptom and I freak out again!! I'm used to the headaches and dizziness (since they are my main symptom) but this dizziness where I lay down and the room spins is freaking me out! It makes me so nauseous and scared. It happened all night last night and I try to tell myself it was because I was scared it would happen again so it did, but in the back of my head I keep thinking maybe it is something wrong!! Has anyone experienced this? This is the first time I am so freaked out I am almost willing to see a doctor...
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