Thank you Cuchman..
I talk to mom everyday around 3-4 times a day and when I am with her I hug her and kiss her and tell her I love her non stop and we have talked about everything under the sun and yes her death and funeral and what all she wants and what she doesn't want..
I do talk to God a lot and I pray all day long and I do know a lot about death from working in health care but as you know when it comes to your own family it is so much harder and when you already have mental health and physical health problems its even harder to do what all I want to do or think I should be doing.. I beat myself up non stop and I keep thinking somehow I can save her ...
I know the 5 stages of grieving and I am dealing with those also and I just can not even begin to imagine after but she may out live me one never knows.
Thanks for your help and I have reached out to Christian People and Non and have gotten support and Prayers and advice but the thing is my mental health they don't get that part or my physical .. some give advice or demands actually then I have to explain I am trying to save her and I am doing my best and I am also doing what my Mom ask of me and what she wants to do with her life right now.
Hospice is coming Monday to start helping with pain control and check in on her so I am praying that helps some.
Having this mental stuff sure throws a wrench in things I didn't use to be this way and it makes me mad and the older I get the more physical things show up and that also makes it even harder so I am very depressed and anxious and having every emotion under the sun and then adding in my Hubby and his health and now just finding out yesterday my furbaby Link is not healthy his liver is showing either cushings or cancer.. I am devastated he is my baby..
Thanks again and Hope you are doing well !!