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Author Topic: Depression and Moms Cancer..  (Read 264 times)

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Offline PinkIcePrincess

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Depression and Moms Cancer..
« on: March 07, 2014, 07:47:38 PM »
I have been dealing with clinical depression and many other mental health issues for years since I could remember as a little girl at age 8 being molested I am sure this is when all My issues started and each thing that happened in my life only added to it.. which I have been told by Therapist it is true..

I am now 48 yrs old and still struggling with the depression and scary thoughts and yes I take meds and No I haven't been seeing a therapist which I know I really need badly but finding one around where I live is hard to do I have tried many Therapist..

Right now dealing with My own health issues both mental and physical has gotten harder because my Mom has terminal Cancer and there are no other treatments for her and I am just trying to live minute by minute and doing what I can for her.. I am scared and sad also Mad and worried and every emotion you can think of.. No I don't want a Pity Party as someone told me.. pathetic huh.. oh well we reap what we sow..
 I have researched and called every place I could to find a cure to find some hope to find a way to keep her alive and with me forever.. it isn't working ..

 Today I found out my Furbaby who was bought to help me with my Agoraphobia and he did just that thank God for him but he has either Cushings or Cancer in the Liver.. I am trying to once again understand why... he is my little boy just as my son is my little boy even at 29 years old.. how do we with depression over come illnesses and face things because I am getting worse and I can not stand seeing my Mom and my Furbaby die !! I have a stupid brain tumor that needs to come out also but really does it matter ?? I have my sons wedding in September how do I find Happiness and Joy ?? I don't want to feel like I do and I know I am not a good person and maybe its all my fault this is all happening..
  I believe in God and in Jesus.. I keep telling myself God doesn't punish his children and we are forgiven... but when does it end ??

Any insight on fighting depression and anxiety through the illnesses of my family and myself would help how do we face such tragedies over and over?? Why is it that some who are mean people don't face this stuff and can not support others?? I don't get it.. I really don't but I suffer from Paranoia and I am Bi Polar.. I would wish any of this on my worse enemy!

Thanks for reading and any help ..
PinkIcePrincess
Ramona
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Online Cuchculan

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Re: Depression and Moms Cancer..
« Reply #1 on: March 08, 2014, 05:52:59 AM »
It is very hard to accept such a thing as death. I remember with my own father. Heart attack. Machines keeping him alive. He was going to die. But it was still hard to accept at first. Yet we all knew it was going to happen. Learning to accept such a thing about a person can make you sad. If they know there is no way back and begin to tell you that they accept it and want you to accept it. Come the end of the day none of us want to lose anybody close to us. If I was in the situation I would be talking to your mother about things. About feelings and the likes. What exactly is she thinking right now. Then you can share what you are thinking. If it is to be the end, it is more making the most of time whilst you both can. Here is where I think the whole God and religion thing confuses people. You would have all these questions. Been a great believer. Why is all this been thrown upon you right now. I just think we try and find things to blame it all on. Bit like looking for answers that are not really there. I am not religious at all. But I see God as person that people can turn to is times of distress. A church as a silent place to go and sit and be at one with your thoughts. It is not punishment from god. It is not a test from God. It is a medical condition. Out of God's hands. But your God is there to comfort you. To turn to in moments of reflection. To be asked to guide you and give you the strength that you know you will need. I know your belief is strong. I have no doubt you know how to turn to your God better than I would. But there are some things even God can't stop. He might be able to make those final months more comforting for the person in question. If they reach out to him. Or give strength to loved ones who are forced to look on. Wanting to be able to do more but finding there is only so much they can do. Life can be tough. When we are down it can seem even tougher. But turn towards what you believe in most of all and gain strength from Him. There will always be good and bad in life. Happy and sad times. Things that no matter how far we reach we can't grab hold of. That we have no control over. But trust in your faith. Let it guide you. Even if it means questioning it at times. If you can talk to a priest, do so. I know I once did. As a non religious person I had a great conversation with a priest once about God and the church and prayer. I would simply say to stick to what you know most of all. What you believe in.
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The Lovable Irish Rogue

Offline PinkIcePrincess

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Re: Depression and Moms Cancer..
« Reply #2 on: March 08, 2014, 06:53:24 AM »
Thank you Cuchman..


I talk to mom everyday around 3-4 times a day and when I am with her I hug her and kiss her and tell her I love her non stop and we have talked about everything under the sun and yes her death and funeral and what all she wants and what she doesn't want..

I do talk to God a lot and I pray all day long and I do know a lot about death from working in health care but as you know when it comes to your own family it is so much harder and when you already have mental health and physical health problems its even harder to do what all I want to do or think I should be doing.. I beat myself up non stop and I keep thinking somehow I can save her ...

I know the 5 stages of grieving and I am dealing with those also and I just can not even begin to imagine after but she may out live me one never knows.

Thanks for your help and I have reached out to Christian People and Non and have gotten support and Prayers and advice but the thing is my mental health they don't get that part or my physical .. some give advice or demands actually then I have to explain I am trying to save her and I am doing my best and I am also doing what my Mom ask of me and what she wants to do with her life right now.

Hospice is coming Monday to start helping with pain control and check in on her so I am praying that helps some.
Having this mental stuff sure throws a wrench in things I didn't use to be this way and it makes me mad and the older I get the more physical things show up and that also makes it even harder so I am very depressed and anxious and having every emotion under the sun and then adding in my Hubby and his health and now just finding out yesterday my furbaby Link is not healthy his liver is showing either cushings or cancer.. I am devastated he is my baby.. :(..

Thanks again and Hope you are doing well !!
Pink
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Online Cuchculan

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Re: Depression and Moms Cancer..
« Reply #3 on: March 08, 2014, 09:51:09 AM »
You are doing all you can. You are a great daughter. Only you really know what your mother wants. You have both talked. So you are letting nobody down at all. Others, when looking in from the outside, don't always see the full picture. As it is not them they will most probably always have a wise view, in their opinions. But not wiser to you or your mother. Who are the ones facing the situation. It is hard to remain strong 100% of the time. People have to blow off steam every so often. Let go of the emotions they are feeling within. You are doing everything in your power. So try and not be so hard on yourself. In life there are some things which are out of our hands. Things we have no control over. We dearly wish we had more control. We wish there was that something extra we could do. But sadly there isn't and we have to face situation in front of us. Hard as that might be. Can be enough to make you want to scream. To think the world is against you. Nothing good seems to be happening at all. Always bad news. One after the other. It just piles up. There we are having to face it. With the knowledge there is nothing else we can really do. I think that is what can hurt the most. The lack of control over the situation. Like having any power taken away from us. But that is not your fault. That is life. Life can be cruel at times. It can make us and it can break us just as easily. But at times we have to hold our hands up and tell ourselves we have tried every thing. We have giving it our best shot. You have done both of those and loads more. From here on in it is in the hands of life itself.
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The Lovable Irish Rogue

Offline PinkIcePrincess

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Re: Depression and Moms Cancer..
« Reply #4 on: March 08, 2014, 10:06:22 AM »
Thank you Cuchman..

Very Much!!! You are so right!! God Bless you!
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