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Author Topic: I am a Failure.  (Read 497 times)

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Offline XOTWOD

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I am a Failure.
« on: March 07, 2014, 12:27:01 PM »
I am the failure of my family. I have my younger sister and older brother succeeding and doing things with their lives and getting jobs. Then there is me, 18, no friends, no job, depressed, suffering from anxiety and pathetic.
I can't explain depression to those who don't know what depression is like, they will never ever understand it, until they go through it; which is why I can't tell many people as I don't know anyone who has been through depression.
When I say I can't get out of bed or I can't function on a daily basis or I can't leave my house for weeks at a time or I can't tell anyone how I am feeling, I really can't. It's not about being positive or just being open with someone or even just getting up and taking a chance. My life sucks. I have nothing going for me and in the end we all die. So what is the point? I don't live for family love me of course, but they don't care about me or know a single thing about me. Life is just an illusion. We are all an illusion. I would rather commit *****...I will admit, I don't have the guts, but I have tried. And sadly I am still here, in this depressing, cruel and pointless misconception we all call life.
So I just have one question...
why is it that I cannot tell anyone how I feel? Even though I don't know how I feel, I would say...NUMB.
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Offline Bcollinsix

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Re: I am a Failure.
« Reply #1 on: March 07, 2014, 02:40:24 PM »
First off I want to say, you're not a failure and very far from it. People with depression are the strongest people I know, they just don't know it because they are depressed.  It sounds like you are depressed because of your circumstances, I can relate. All you need is one positive thing and then follow up with another positive thing and slowly but surely you will get out of your depression. Now generally I would ask what meds you are on but meds only do so much. I recommend you join a group therapy session with people around your age so you can connect with people and maybe create a friendship or two. Are you in school? The best way to get of your depression is to create a routine. Now if your not on meds i recommend you go see a psychiatrist ASAP, that will be step 1, step 2 find a group therapy session and step 3 find an activity to do whether it be something you like or something totally new, for me I workout 2x a week, nothing extreme but just enough to get my mind busy and off things, some days I have to push myself other days I just do it because I've developed a habit of doing it. If you want to get out of your depression your going to have to push yourself, I know how tough that is believe me, I never want to do *****, but meds might give you the first push you need.

Also, to answer your question, people can't understand fully because they are not in your shoes. You can tell them how you feel until your blue in the face, it won't matter. And the feeling your feeling is "blah" it's literally nothing but because your depressed it's nothing good. I only partially know what your going through because I never really felt "numb" because I have a lot of anxiety along with depression. Anyway I hope I've helped in some way.
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Offline Cuchculan

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Re: I am a Failure.
« Reply #2 on: March 07, 2014, 02:51:10 PM »
Honest answer? I would say you are afraid of the reaction you might get. You might think others will be negative about you. But I would say they would want to help. When a person is down there seems no way out at all. There doesn't seem to be an up side of anything. Only a down side to everything. One thing we can fear is change. That might sound silly. But if we are offered help that might help change how we are again we think people might judge us. So a lot of people don't seek out that help. They suffer in silence. But there is so much going on in the world about depression today that how people view it is different than how they viewed it years back. It is acceptable that people suffer. Others accept that people out there need help. There are help lines for people who don't want to go anywhere for help. Just a voice to talk to. To listen to you. To guide you. They are all out there. People do really care. I spent 10 years looking at my bedroom walls. Afraid to get the help I knew I needed. Afraid of reaction to my problems. But nobody laughed at me. Nobody thought I was a waste of *****. They gave me time. Most importantly they gave me help and room to do things at my own pace. Like been allow to breathe. No matter how bad it may seem there is always a road back. We just have to believe. Taken those early steps is the hardest part of all. But take them. You will never regret doing it.
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The Lovable Irish Rogue

Offline Potatoes

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Re: I am a Failure.
« Reply #3 on: March 07, 2014, 03:03:35 PM »
why is it that I cannot tell anyone how I feel? Even though I don't know how I feel, I would say...NUMB.

Because that's how society works. We focus on our own needs, and we all have our own perspective. They don't feel the pain and agony that you're going through, they have no leverage to aid you.

Have you thought of seeing a psychiatrist?

You can't let yourself beat yourself up. The best thing you can do is be you, Don't care what other people think, we live in a WORLD of judgement. that's just what we do, it's a sick world out there. But there's more to life by just having the mindset that you're just going to do you.

Easier said than done, I'm not going to lie, but the first thing you can do is just keep a positive mindset... think of what YOU want to do with your life, what career you want what type of education you want, and where you want to live.... and change the thinking to doing. Nobody is stopping you and if anyone were to stand in your way, you push past them like you'd kick a pop can out of your way on the ground.

Life is a precious thing, not one person in the world would say that it's easy, but why give up? There's so many fun things to do in life... if nobody understands you then keep your problems out of their grasp, they won't do you any good.

How old are you? Think about growing old... every time I feel down on myself, that life is tough... I look at the 70-80 year old men and women sitting at the local grocery store... drinking endless cups of coffee, talking about things that happened many years back.... not speeding, not getting mad, because they're not in a hurry.

Life isn't a race, and it's definitely not pleasant at times... it's simply what you make of it. If all you want to do in life is be a custodian... then be the best damn custodian south of Antarctica... it's all in your perspective.

Believe me, just as I believe you, You're rock bottom right now. the rocks and the cold wet ground you're currently on are uncomfortable.

Nobody said the hole that you're in is all that deep, so get out of that hole and accomplish great things. Don't do it to impress the family, or make them feel happy and joyful of you, that's just a sprinkle on a cupcake, do it for yourself.... be proud, but never satisfied.

Best wishes to you, keep us updated.
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