Well.. I haven't on been here in close to two years.
I have definitely experienced bouts of intense anxiety during those two years,
But I was worried coming on here would make it worse. I find this board so comforting yet it also sucks me in deeper.. Into my anxious world I just can't live in anymore. I don't know how to explain it properly but I know most of you will know what I mean. But here I am.
Anyway, I'm having a terrible time. I know you guys are the only ones who truly understand.
Current daily fears:
MS (tingling, numb patches, blurry vision, exhaustion, shaky hands)
Ovarian cancer (lower back pain, diarrhea, weird periods, frequent urination, bloating, cramps)
Blood clots (shortness of breath, sore vericose veins)
Diabetes (cold sore toes, frequent urination)
Cancer throughout (two women I know recently had this happen.. Dr visit results in finding cancer all over)
My most serious fear right now is ovarian cancer.
It's weird how my HA mind works. I have completely convinced myself that I will die of ovarian cancer.
I can't remember ever having so many bad fears all at once. Usually I obsess about one thing, then when that's been proven to not actually be a thing, I move on to the next.
I feel like I'm in a worse place in my head than usual.
I finally made a dr appt. but can't get in until early next week.
I'm so used to everything being blamed on anxiety, I just keep thinking that eventually something will actually be wrong with me. And that I won't be able to cope. The insane fear I have when I'm focused on the idea of a disease
is so overwhelming, I honestly can't understand how anyone deals with an actual diagnosis
Thanks for reading, I'm not sure what I'm looking for. I guess reassurance that it will be ok. I want you to say it's just anxiety. But unfortunately today I don't think I'll believe you.