sorry for posting so much tonight, guys. i feel bad, but i also think it has to do with the fact that i am now starting to come to terms with the fact that i need to get off my rear and get to a doctor. there's just one huge issue with that:
I AM DEATHLY AFRAID OF DOCTORS. [mainly what they are going to tell me]
my husband is in the military, so we have great insurance coverage. i can go to the doctor all day everyday, if i wanted to. BUT, ALSO, because my husband is military -- this means that he is gone all of the time on deployments and underways, when they are out to sea doing training. i keep promising myself that i'm going to go to a doctor to get a full check up before he deploys again this year. THEN, i start to tell myself that i am going to go to the doctors after deployment. because if i go before, and they tell me i have cancer - i will be alone during that time. i will be alone fighting it, etc.
it's so easy for me to sit here behind a computer screen and tell other people what they should do when it comes to their fears - but so hard for me to be able to do it on my own. i was diagnosed with white coat syndrome three years ago. the last time i have seen a doctor was 28 months ago.
anyone ever go through this and gotten through it? if so, what helped you? i am scared to have an attack in front of the, and them put me away or something like that.