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Author Topic: Mother issues  (Read 94 times)

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Offline EsotericNonsense

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Mother issues
« on: March 03, 2014, 10:53:03 AM »
In the last year my mother divorced my step father and moved across the country. I think she is going through a midlife crisis but I'm not happy that her midlife crisis happened to directly coincide with my anxiety attacks. She has also triggered my anxiety in the past so I have already decided not to talk to her about my anxiety issues. When told her that I'm not going to let her try to put me in between her and my step father and she somehow interpreted that as me wanting her to move back and get back with her ex. I'm not even sure what I'm supposed to say to that.

Yesterday when I talk to her she spent the whole time complaining about her hypnotherapist. I told my boyfriend about my latest interaction with my mother his response was "Have you considered buying a parenting book because you appear to be raising your mother?" When I heard this I didn't know weather to laugh or cry. I'm not entirely sure what I want to say to her but I want to no longer be dealing with her *****. The thing is she's my mother so I don't exactly feel comfortable telling her to shut up when she goes on one of her rants. She has a very strong personality and is very opinionated about many things. I told her last week that I don't want to be fighting with her but I also don't want my method of not fighting with her to be to never admit if I disagree with her.
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Offline colorlessideas

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Re: Mother issues
« Reply #1 on: March 03, 2014, 02:35:08 PM »
It is a very difficult situation. We all want to see our parents as loving, strong, sources of guidance. That's our expectation, so it's frustrating when we see them otherwise.  But it's important to remember that they are flawed, make mistakes even when they should know better. Your mother sounds like

Obviously I don't know your situation that well, so I'm only speaking from experience with difficult members of my family. You have to take care of yourself, especially your mental health. You can't help your mother, your stepfather, anyone else if you don't have a grasp on your own health. Now, that might mean that you have to put some boundaries in play. If she starts one of her rants, starts making wild accusations, you might have to tell her, "look, I love you, but I'm sorry, I won't listen to this right now." I know you said you don't want to talk to her about your anxiety, but I think if you're very honest with her, maybe that's what you have to do. Explain to her exactly how you feel, tell her your concerns, and if it's too hard to articulate everything in person or on the phone, write a letter/email.

And once you've reached out to her, it's up to her to either stop being selfish or continue to do what she wants. Either way, you've done what you could, it's very important to look out for yourself and get the help you need for your anxiety.

Sorry for what you are going through.
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Nolite te bastardes carborundorum.

Offline EsotericNonsense

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Re: Mother issues
« Reply #2 on: March 03, 2014, 04:22:15 PM »
She used to understand me so it's difficult for me to deal with the fact that she doesn't understand my anxiety, and I have told her about my anxiety. I was hoping that if I just didn't talk about my anxiety we could have a normal functional relationship. Maybe we can as long as we don't talk about my step father since that seams to be a trigger point for both of us.
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