I am confused. Somewhat.
During past week it has been a real struggle for me to get through the days' tasks. I mean simple things like going to work and back. That's about all what I have been doing. At work I mainly wait to get home. At home I wait to get to bed and sleep. When I wake up before my alarm, I feel rather hopeless as a new day of struggle is waiting.
According to doctors I do not have anything that would classify as severe anxiety. Still I got those oxazepam pills to overcome anxiety and to take as needed. Today is the 3rd day in row I have been on those (2 x 7,5 mg). It feels just impossible to get through the day without. In other words they seem to help.
When I feel miserable when waking up, I pop a pill. Then i take shower and force me to eat some breakfast while shaking from head to toes. Then get out and drive to work. At some point during this ordeal my head starts to clear up and I feel well enough to get my act together. I am not fine, but I can hold my self and my head together. In about 5 hours from popping the pill, the symptoms start creeping back. My mind feels it's going to "crash" any moment - unable to concentrate.
Two days now, I have waited until I get home before taking the other half of the pill. This is in about 9 hours after the 1st half. I have hoped that I could manage the night without, but both days I have been so shaky and feeling weak when I reach home that I haven't had a change. In 1-2 hours world clears enough, so I can feel confident enough to get sleep. I do not feel good enough to do anything other than sit on the couch tv open, but not really able or willing to follow what's on.
Does this sound like the pill is working or am I just enjoying the placebo effect?
I am rather confident that all this is not coincidence - the pill works. Can it mean that many of my symptoms are caused by some sort of anxiety after all?
Or is the oxazepam just making my body tick differently so I can overcome my symptoms caused by something else? How do you tell.
Right now it has been 6 hours since my morning half. I start to feel rather miserable again and I have a meeting awaiting in about two hours. It's time for my 2nd half. I am concerned that in the evening I need to take the 3rd half.
I would not like to (1) get hooked on benzos and (2) exceed the prescription which was for 1/4 - 1 pill per day.
But what can I do, I need to survive somehow. Next week I will meet my GP again and I need to bring this up. I am not so much intrigued on going on SSRI's either without a more certain diagnosis. Because with those it's anyway wait-and-see game and the result may not be so clear. But as my situation seems so impossible right now, I need to do something.
This won't just go away by waiting.