I remember talking to you on previous posts when you were worried about lymphoma. I feel your pain. I want you to know that I'm a doula - meaning I assist mamas during pregnancy, labor, delivery, and post partum. I HIGHLY suggest hiring a post partum doula, ESPECIALLY since you're going to have a c-section and twins. You can google "doula + your zip code" and see what turns up.
I want to reassure you that all of these feelings are normal toward the end of your pregnancy. It's normal to have the physical pain, as well as the mental worry/depression.
As far as the breastfeeding goes, take it one day at a time. Heck, take it one FEEDING at a time! I'm a doula, and the longest I breastfed either of my children was 3.5 months. (that's almost unheard of as far as doulas go). Don't let anyone pressure you into ANYTHING! This is your body, and you're the primary caretaker for these precious little babies!!! If formula feeding seems like the way to go, DO IT!!! And don't let anyone make you feel guilty for it. Will it add extra cost? Of course. But to me, it was worth it for my own sanity.
I nursed my son for literally one week, and pumped for another 3, and finally switched him to formula. Let me tell you what a world of difference it made! I was finally able to bond with him without worrying if he was getting enough milk, or if my supply was up, or worrying about my cracked, aching nipples. lol. And with my daughter, I made it to 3.5 months and I finally said that I needed time to myself and allowence to have a drink without freaking out that it will get into the milk supply. haha. Selfish? Maybe to some. But it did wonders and really allowed me to bond with my children more.
Bottom line: I hate to break it to you - but you're entering a whole new world of judgement when you become a mommy for the first time. EVERY LITTLE DECISION you make will be judged by other moms. You can let it get to you (which I did for a while) or you can brush it off. In the end, only you know whats best for you and your children - more then even your husband, but ESPECIALLY more than other moms.
I'm here if you need to message me. I've been in your shoes. Just always remember - YOU'RE NOT A FAILURE!