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Author Topic: Vulnerability  (Read 126 times)

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Offline SongBird10

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« on: February 26, 2014, 10:54:21 PM »
Hey All,

So I have been on medicine for like two weeks now for my anxiety and depression. I have been in therapy for I think over a year now or coming to a year this spring. Well last session we talked about trying to make connections with people, being open, and being vulnerable with the people around me. I have such a hard time with this. I only tell some people some things, not one person knows everything. I have the hardest time trust people. "Once bitten, twice shy". I have been burned and rejected in the past and honestly sometimes its easier to just not put myself out there then to put it all out there and get rejected. I have been told time and time again to just be myself and put my self out there and that is the most frustrating thing to hear. I have been hiding portions of my life for so long I don't even remember what all is hidden, it certainly doesn't help that I have felt like an alien since the anxiety and depression got really bad. I forgot who I was and I don't remember or even know who I'm going to be when I come out of this. Will I feel the same way? Will I be a different person? Will I even feel better when I come out of this? I don't even have the answers and that drives me nuts. But the thought of being vulnerable with people just scares the hell out of me, which leaves me lonely and feeling alone. It is an all around scary thing for me. Not only that but its frustrating and I don't even know where to start. I'm not sure how to start being open and being myself and putting myself out there. Its not really in my nature, and I don't like the feeling.

I was just wondering if anyone else out there feels this way?

~SongBird :action-smiley-065:
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Online Cuchculan

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Re: Vulnerability
« Reply #1 on: February 27, 2014, 06:11:13 AM »
The first steps are always the hardest of all. You ever think of maybe giving up some of your time to help out in your local community? Be it with homeless people or various other things. Just by way of getting out there and getting to meet new people. I am not saying you have these people all about yourself. That is something we tend to do with only a few people we are really close to. With me only my family and about one friend knows the full extent of what I have ever been through. It is very common not to tell people. Why should we? If we can get by without them knowing, we deserve that right to do so. At least here on the forum you can be as open as you want. Because we are all like minded people. We have been where you are at right now. We understand. I would never expect anybody who has not experienced anxiety to understand it at all. They may say they feel sorry for you. ( last thing we want to hear ) But they will never fully get it. That is why we don't tell people. Granted if it is getting in the way of work or a friendship you may say something. Apart from that it is not something we go around shouting about. You will be a stronger person in time. You just have to believe in yourself. You are battler. A survivor. We all are. All we have been through. Here we are still going. Not having given up at all. No matter how many times we have been knocked down, we get back up, dust ourselves down, and fight on. That can only serve to make us stronger people. We are always here for you. Feel free to always be open with us.
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Offline worldbeat99

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Re: Vulnerability
« Reply #2 on: February 27, 2014, 05:56:44 PM »
Songbird, I like your post.  The world "vulnerability" jumped out at me.  Partly because as I deal with generalized anxiety,
it does make me fee vulnerable and not quite in control.

I can relate to the question of will I be the same me, am I becoming an alien.  How do I get back to the real me?
You're still pretty new to the meds.  When I first took meds for depression, it took some time to kick in.
But once it did, it was great.
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