I don't even remember what it was like to not be worried 100% of the time. I'm so sick of every minute of every day being such a struggle. Just today I've had THREE 'heart attacks'. Yesterday I had two. I've been forcing myself to continue with my life. I go to work, I go to the store, I don't let how I feel stop me, even though it's really hard. I do chores. But I still get these aches and pains that make me think I'm having a heart attack. Yesterday I ended up in the ER parking lot but I didn't go in because I knew they wouldn't even test me so id gain nothing from going. My husband keeps telling me that people don't just have multiple heart attacks a day for months at a time. I want to believe him. But it doesn't help me any. My OB had been treating me for GERD, but I think it's just making it worse because I don't think my stomach has enough acid now and I can hardly eat a thing. And she won't give me anything for my anxiety except for a antihistamine because she says everything else is too much risk for the baby. And I can't find a therapist we can afford and Medicaid won't pay for it.
How do I get my life back? I want to wake up without an immediate sense of dread. Go to work without having symptoms that make me fear death. Come home after work and enjoy my family. Go to bed happily snuggled up with my husband instead of in pain, tears, and in fear. I really thought that by not letting it control what I did that I could fight this, but it seems that I'm just as miserable, in pain, and scared.