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Offline clippergoodwill

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Dating question
« on: February 25, 2014, 09:10:55 PM »
Ok, being somewhat new to having anxiety, well, to the point that it affects my life, I wasn't totally sure how to handle it as far as dating goes. I've always dated on and off, and had a few good long term relationships. I've learned through trial and error that it's far better to be honest and up front about issues before getting 'serious', as those problems always seem to rear their ugly head at the worst moment.

So, the last few girls I've talked to, I've been up front with the whole anxiety issue. It seems rational, as it's a problem they'd have to face in time. I don't go into detail unless they ask, but inform them that my anxiety doesn't require medication, just self control. You can probably guess this hasn't exactly done my dating life any good, otherwise I wouldn't be posting. So, when you're talking to someone, do you tell them about your anxiety? When and how do you tell them?

Fyi, I don't beat myself up over the ones that lose interest when I bring up my anxiety, I just file it under the "wasn't mean to be" category and move on.
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Offline gulierss

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Re: Dating question
« Reply #1 on: February 26, 2014, 02:34:45 PM »
helloooo so hopefully this will help even tho the gender difference (i'm a 24 year old girl) but i recently got into a relationship and i've been telling my boyfriend little by little about all my anxiety stuff (and luckily he understands cuz he deals with anxiety too) but since i'm aware of why certain things are the way they are i also let him know what he can do to help or understand certain parts more
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Offline clouddancer1980

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Re: Dating question
« Reply #2 on: February 26, 2014, 03:29:57 PM »
Clippy I've always been upfront on the anxiety issues. There's no sense in wasting time on someone who isn't willing to deal with certain things that are unique to you. I mean, what if something catastrpphic happened? I'm sure these types of individuals wouldn't stick around then either. My husband loves and accepts me with these anxiety issues. I'm so thankful for that. You too will have a person that will feel that way as well.  :happy0151:
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Offline clippergoodwill

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Re: Dating question
« Reply #3 on: February 26, 2014, 04:13:54 PM »
Good replies, thank you both.

I'm still wondering, should I tell people up front about the anxiety, or break it to them little by little?
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Offline colorlessideas

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Re: Dating question
« Reply #4 on: February 26, 2014, 06:13:52 PM »
It's not a first date conversation, but it's not something you don't talk about either. If that makes sense. I would wait until you feel good about the person and you can sense that they'd be someone you'd realistically want to be with long term. There's no point in opening yourself up and feeling vulnerable if it wouldn't have worked for other reasons. Chances are, if you are getting along well, already establishing a good connection , then when the conversation comes up it will be received with compassion and understanding.

And I wouldn't tell them EVERYTHING, just be honest about the big stuff.

My boyfriend also struggles with anxiety, but his is more PTSD related, and he has little patience for mine, unfortunately. We work through it, but it takes a lot of work. It is definitely possible to have a meaningful relationship in spite of everything.
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Offline clippergoodwill

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Re: Dating question
« Reply #5 on: February 26, 2014, 06:27:48 PM »
It's not a first date conversation, but it's not something you don't talk about either. If that makes sense. I would wait until you feel good about the person and you can sense that they'd be someone you'd realistically want to be with long term. There's no point in opening yourself up and feeling vulnerable if it wouldn't have worked for other reasons. Chances are, if you are getting along well, already establishing a good connection , then when the conversation comes up it will be received with compassion and understanding.

And I wouldn't tell them EVERYTHING, just be honest about the big stuff.

My boyfriend also struggles with anxiety, but his is more PTSD related, and he has little patience for mine, unfortunately. We work through it, but it takes a lot of work. It is definitely possible to have a meaningful relationship in spite of everything.

Thank you, this points me in the right direction.
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Offline meowmint

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Re: Dating question
« Reply #6 on: February 28, 2014, 07:18:12 PM »
Personally, Ive stopped telling people I date about my anxiety problems. Like you, I also see it as a rational step to tell the person I am with what I go through to avoid drama that may arise from my anxiety, but Id just keep on coming across guys who would minimize what I would share and that would really negatively affect me.  From experience, I think its best to wait till you have someone that you can see yourself being with for awhile and like other posters said bring it up little by little. The right person won't be phased by it.

Also its great you have a healthy mindset when things dont work out with someone.
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