Today (Sunday) was definitely not good. As I lie in bed my wife puts her head on my chest and notes that my pulse is rapid. My eyes were open around 6 but we didn't get up till 830 or so, all that time I didn't feel like moving, I am sure others know that morning unease. Of course I did deep breathing, meditation, prayer, etc, but its still was hard. Got up and felt a bit angry about it all, then went to a store with my wife, felt bad cramps and had to tend to that, later on couldn't find my wife in the large store, cell phone service was not great in there, meanwhile she is looking for me, and concerned that maybe I passed out in the bathroom (memories of me passing out on Sapphris still haunt her) so she asked someone to look and see if I was in there. Finally we found each other, and both of us weren't feeling too great. Back home I just felt more anxious, reading stuff on the net about the meds and depression etc (a sure sign I am not doing well, if I feel well I do that much less or not at all except for an occasional check in at this site), then we went to go to a barber (who was closed) by that point I am shaking I am so upset/agitated/anxious. I took a quarter extra of .5 klonopin when we got to the barbers, (I also had a quarter extra in the morning, usually I am pretty strict in sticking to my 1 mg max for the day but not today), got home and just lost it, crying, cursing this damn thing, breathing too fast, just really not feeling well and venting my considerable frustration. On my wife's urging I went and worked out some of my anxiety on a stepper machine for a few minutes (very light, I am not in the shape I was in before this began), then I called my therapist, left a message. She called back and I was calmer by then, then I called the pdoc cell phone just to ask if I should take 15 mg instead of half of that of the remeron, as it seems to have lost its initial calming effect.
Just got a call back as I was writing this, my pdoc says to go up to 15 mg on the remeron, expect that I might be foggy a couple of days given my sensitivity to medicines but it should help. I know it will probably stop the stomach/intestine discomfort, it did when I started it.
I feel calmer right now but not real happy. I truly hope raising the remeron works and it works for a good long while, she said it might have to go to 22.5, but its quite possible the 15 will do the trick. I'll keep updating this journey. If anyone has experience with this combination (with or without klonopin, which I will take until I am well stabilized for long time) feel free to chime in.