It is very common for people that deal with chronic conditions of anxiety, panic attacks, and/or depression, to feel that they should be capable of mentally controlling these conditions. You may have heard of the old adage, "Just pull yourself up by the bootstraps!" Actually, nothing could be further from the truth.
Would you ask a diabetic who is insulin dependent, to stop using their insulin? Of course you wouldn't. The same is true for those of us that suffer with anxiety/panic attacks/depression. These conditions often times have an actually organic origin. Stress hormones, such as cortisol, actually destroy brain cells in the hippocampus region of the brain. Medications such as the anti-depressants, actually stimulate the growth of new brain cells in this region of the brain, thus restoring balance.
I have been on anti-depressants for four years now, and I plan on being on them for the rest of my life. I am so grateful for living in a time when these medications are available, as it wasn't that long ago that they were not.
So do all you can, not to beat yourself up for taking a medication that is helping you. Be thankful it's available to you.
The very best to you, CI!... Chuck