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Author Topic: The Cousin Dilemma  (Read 200 times)

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Offline 513_vysddf

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The Cousin Dilemma
« on: February 18, 2014, 11:37:03 AM »
I eloped with a military guy for about 3 years. Nobody in the family knew we were married except for a few. As the years go by, I realize how incompatible we really were and that he emotionally abused me. Now I'm in my late 20's, and recently decided to officially end things with him. I'm in the process of finalizing a divorce. I no longer love him, and I don't plan on ever going back. Here's the catch: I fell for his cousin.

For years, we were nothing more as if he was my own brother. We started talking more when things got sour between me and my husband. I realized how I was very much attracted to this cousin. When I decided to divorce, the cousin and I confessed our feelings and started pursuing an affair. He was very determined about waiting for me to finalize my divorce. We've gotten to know each other on a whole different level, and were always happy being together. Nobody knows that we're together since we're taking it very slow. I've got a huge problem now tho: his ex.

They were together for about 4 years, and he realized how incompatible they were. They live in separate states, have no children no marriage no nothing. She just won't leave him alone.He's not in love with her but he is letting guilt rule him. Until she can move on, he would feel very bad if he abandoned her because he hurt her in the past. She's very shrewd/diplomatic, always asking him for help for objective things when in reality she knows exactly what she's doing and is hanging onto him. To him, he likes me and she's just a friend. To her, she's wanting to get back with him. But he's very confused with no real plan of action.

Recently he decided to go see her in person to talk to her. I told him I respect him enough to give him space/time to sort things through. But I'm anxious and nervous because I don't trust her. Our communication has become really scarce too. I'm very lost as to what to do. Should I wait for him? How do I calm myself down? Any words of advice would truly help me. Thanks.
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Offline Cuchculan

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Re: The Cousin Dilemma
« Reply #1 on: February 23, 2014, 06:35:10 AM »
Out of the cooking pot and into the fire. You have yourself one heck of a situation here. At some point, if you do end up with the cousin, you will get some reaction from family members on his side. That will involve your ex husband too. I am sure a lot of people will have a lot of things to say. The thing that bothers me the most is that the cousin can't leave this other girl. It is like he wants the best of both worlds. He has no kids with her. If he is to be believed he has no love for her at all. They are not a couple. Yet he still runs to her side. It would make you wonder about what he is really up to. Either he ends it with her or you end it with him. Simple as that. That way you will find out where his true feelings lie. Who he really wants to be with. Easy to blame this other girl on everything. Simple fact is he only has to be honest and tell her they are done with. But he doesn't want to do that. It is like he is holding out for something more. To me, he either makes his mind up or I would be dumping him and moving on with my life.
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