Anxiety but something embarrassing...
by momee146, 3 hours
Hi & thanks for reading. I have had anxiety for about 18 yrs on and off.
The OFF part happens when I feel great and lower my dose of medication then go back to very bad anxiety, then when I raise the medication dose it takes a while but always got back to normal. You would think after so long a person would learn! Ok so I am about 5 weeks in with raising my dose because of another attempt at lowering it. Each week has beens touch better but it feels like (well I have this worry) that it will not go back to normal this time even though it has the other 5 times.
Just to be clear, I am not looking on how to get off of the medication, I won't go through that again.
So here is the embarrassing part of my anxiety.....whenever I have the relapses, part of it is feeling so much shame for something my sister And my husband say it soooooo silly to care about......everyone has done or does it.......I hate saying the word even.....masturbate! Gaaahh.
when I was a preteen/teen. For some reason when I have these relapses, this is something that creeps up and makes me feel bad, gross, dirty.....then I start hating myself. I didn't do anything abnormal, I know this for sure, but why does this bother me so bad to te point of me wanting to throw up? It really is the only thing that "bad" that I have done in my life (I'm 32 by the way, female).
Is it really just the anxiety making me look for something to worry about? I know that the thoughts seems way more terrible when I have a relapse but it feels like the thoughts won't go away, even tho they have in the pat.
anyone had the same thing happen?
I guess I am just looking for some reassurance.