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Author Topic: Anxiety relapse and thoughts (a little embarressing)  (Read 1076 times)

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Offline Momee

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Anxiety relapse and thoughts (a little embarressing)
« on: February 17, 2014, 06:41:15 PM »
Anxiety but something embarrassing...

by momee146, 3 hours
Hi & thanks for reading. I have had anxiety for about 18 yrs on and off.
The OFF part happens when I feel great and lower my dose of medication then go back to very bad anxiety, then when I raise the medication dose it takes a while but always got back to normal. You would think after so long a person would learn! Ok so I am about 5 weeks in with raising my dose because of another attempt at lowering it. Each week has beens touch better but it feels like (well I have this worry) that it will not go back to normal this time even though it has the other 5 times.
Just to be clear, I am not looking on how to get off of the medication, I won't go through that again.
So here is the embarrassing part of my anxiety.....whenever I have the relapses, part of it is feeling so much shame for something my sister And my husband say it soooooo silly to care about......everyone has done or does it.......I hate saying the word even.....masturbate! Gaaahh.
when I was a preteen/teen. For some reason when I have these relapses, this is something  that creeps up and makes me feel bad, gross, dirty.....then I start hating myself. I didn't do anything abnormal, I know this for sure, but why does this bother me so bad to te point of me wanting to throw up? It really is the only thing that "bad" that I have done in my life (I'm 32 by the way, female).

Is it really just the anxiety making me look for something to worry about? I know that the thoughts seems way more terrible when I have a relapse but it feels like the thoughts won't go away, even tho they have in the pat.
anyone had the same thing happen?

I guess I am just looking for some reassurance.

Thanks
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Offline JZK

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Re: Anxiety relapse and thoughts (a little embarressing)
« Reply #1 on: February 17, 2014, 07:39:25 PM »
Hi, Momee.  My anxiety's been on and off for years too, currently "on" 24/7 since the fall.  I take an anti-anxiety med prn.  Your hubby's right--just about everyone's done it.  I even do it in front of my husband (TMI maybe).  Anyway, I dwell on all the mistakes I've made in my life  during anxious periods, but I am ashamed of actually sleeping around so much, not masturbating.  I would have been better off doing just that.  But for some reason, that's your shame; everyone has his/her own regrets.  No one can change how you feel, and what you feel isn't wrong.  It's just you.  When anxiety is high, every terrible feeling is magnified, at least for me.
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Offline Momee

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Re: Anxiety relapse and thoughts (a little embarressing)
« Reply #2 on: February 18, 2014, 11:53:02 AM »
Thanks for writing back. Yes I think things are magnified for me too, even though I know this in the back of my mind, I feel like it's a lie because of the anxiety I feel.
When your not having anxious episodes, how do you feel about your shame? Can you let it go?
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Offline JZK

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Re: Anxiety relapse and thoughts (a little embarressing)
« Reply #3 on: February 18, 2014, 07:08:14 PM »
No matter how I feel, up or down, I'll forever feel guilty about being with the married men.  It's not that I'm ashamed of the others; it's the reason behind it.  I've got body dysmorphic disorder, in spite of always being able to attract men.  I compare myself daily to models and beautiful women I see.  Sleeping with men made me feel, for the moment, sexy and desirable.  I'm ashamed of thinking so low of myself that no one could love me for me.  I felt that I was good for only one thing.  So when I'm not anxious, I'm still despising my appearance but not thinking about the sleeping around.  I wish I could get over this, but I know I never will.  I'm just wondering what's causing your particular shame.  Are you thinking it's a sin? 
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Offline Momee

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Re: Anxiety relapse and thoughts (a little embarressing)
« Reply #4 on: February 22, 2014, 12:14:09 PM »
I'm going to send you a private message if thats ok, Maybe we can chat more?
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Offline Julie A. Cook

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Re: Anxiety relapse and thoughts (a little embarressing)
« Reply #5 on: February 22, 2014, 05:54:54 PM »
I'm in the same boat.  Havehad bad anxiety pon and offmy entire life.  I came through several wonderful yearswith Zooft, then it stopped working. I don't currently regret anything I'vedone in my life, but I strugle with the control my mother and husband have over me.  II'm my husband's third wife.  A great guy, but very needy.  My mother is 84 and very needy.  I also have a 30 year old daughter who has two children and is very needed.  Needlessto say, just oneI wantsomeone to take care of me. 

Currently on Lexapro (20 mgs.) and taking klnopin as needed. TOday was a bad day, but I keep pushing.  Hang in there.  We all go through bad periods but eventually come out of them.  I try to to be mindful ofthe good things in my life and knowthat this too shall pass.

I do so enjoy the chat room and have made wonderful friendsthere.
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Offline Momee

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Re: Anxiety relapse and thoughts (a little embarressing)
« Reply #6 on: February 25, 2014, 10:18:42 AM »
Thanks for your reply Julia. I wish I had some advice for your situation.

Is there anyone else who reads this post able to respond? Thanks much appreciated
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Offline JZK

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Re: Anxiety relapse and thoughts (a little embarressing)
« Reply #7 on: February 28, 2014, 01:00:33 PM »
Hi, Momee.  Yes, please feel free to send me a private message anytime!
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Offline Momee

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Re: Anxiety relapse and thoughts (a little embarressing)
« Reply #8 on: February 28, 2014, 06:27:46 PM »
I tried twice and I somehow erased it both times before it sent! It was long lol I'll msg you later tonight :)
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Offline JZK

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Re: Anxiety relapse and thoughts (a little embarressing)
« Reply #9 on: March 06, 2014, 07:11:40 PM »
I haven't seen any messages in "My Messages."  Is that where a private message would be?  I don't want you to think I'm ignoring you, but I'm so computer illiterate!
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