Trying really hard...

[sda]

I am trying really hard to get over this....constant worry about my health.  I have been doing this for over four months now and I am tired of it.  It is exhausting to be on guard all the time.  My sciatica is really bothering me today and so it my left shoulder blade.  I told myself on Saturday that if my back/leg/hip or anything else hurt more than usual it would be my own fault.  I went to the store on Saturday late in the afternoon to get some potting soil, my husband asked me to go and get several bags and to have someone in the garden center put the bags in my car for me.  Well, when I went to check out, the little old lady at the register told me that no one was there to help me...she was the only one in that department.  She said she would try to call someone to come help but she didn't know how long it would be.  Well, being impatient like I am, I decided to pick up the bags and carry them myself.  I carried 6 bags of soil weighing 40lbs each...now I am a small girl 5' 3" and 120lbs...I was kind of proud of myself...until the ride home.  I got in my car and my lower back on the left side (the usual spot that bothers me) started hurting...not too bad but I could feel the muscles tightening up.  I told myself on the way home...if your sciatica acts up and your back/leg/hip start bothering you...you know why and you don't need to freak out.  Well, I do remember all this but it is not comforting me today and my lower back/hip and lower leg are bothering me pretty bad as they did yesterday too.  I walked on the treadmill this morning for 20 minutes and it felt better but it is back to feeling weird again.  My calf area is doing the weird internal vibrating feeling thing right now and it has been most of the morning.  A second here and there and then it will go away and come back.  I am so tempted to call the doctor and go in crying again about the same aches and pains that I have been in about before.  I know at this point she would probably order more tests b/c there is really nothing else left to do but I don't want to push my luck.  I am afraid if I keep looking for something...I will find something.  I just don't know how to move on mentally if I am still hurting physically.  I know others have said it takes a while to get back to your old self but I just don't know...4 months of panic and muscle tension and pains here and there is really discouraging.  I am afraid that I am always gone to have this pain in my hip/lower back and leg area.  The pain is actually only in mine lower back and hip...the lower leg (calf) just feels tight from time to time and gets that weird vibrating feeling when my lower back and hip are bothering me.  Sorry for the ramble...just wanted to get this off my mind and thought this might help. 

[seleck05]

sometimes just writing about what's going on helps, I know from experience!  I think its pretty obvious that you are in pain today because of the heavy lifting you did.  I think the exersize probably helped you stretch it out. As long as you are stressed your pain will be aggravated but that doesn't mean its a sign of a more serious disease.  You may have some pain for a while you need to live with that, its not the end of the world though.  Try and keep up with the exersize, stretches and working on reducing your stress.  Are you doing any counseling?

[sda]

I'm not in counseling right now b/c of my work conflicting with the schedule for counseling.  I am trying to find another one that will be able to work with my hours.  My husband keeps telling me that people have pain and that is life and I need to accept it.  I just remember that before this current HA loop came about, I didn't have pain, I felt good...normal.  Now, I am like an old person and falling apart! 

[seleck05]

I may have recommended this before to you but if you can't find any counselors who work with your schedual I use over the phone counseling from 0110.com. They are really good.

[sda]

Is it expensive?