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Author Topic: New & feeling a bit of relief that I've found this website  (Read 103 times)

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Offline anongirl17

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New & feeling a bit of relief that I've found this website
« on: February 11, 2014, 04:00:45 AM »
Hello everyone! Nice to meet you all. I am new here. I am a 23 year old stay at home mom to a beautiful 2 year old boy (who's birthday is actually today, the 11th!  :happy0151:) and I am here because I've been struggling with anxiety and depression for close to 11 years of my life. To make a long story short I had a very difficult childhood. My mother was a drug addict and my father never knew he even had a daughter. I was raised by my amazing grandmother who passed away February 27th 2003 when I was just 13 years old. When she passed away and my mother came back into my life so did the drugs and I became so anxious and depressed I could not function. I was home-schooled due to the fact that I could not even walk in the doors of the school without vomiting and having a panic attack. Things at home were extremely rough, we lost our house and moved to Florida and things only got worse from there. At that point I stopped going to school altogether at 15 years old due to the anxiety and never returned. Luckily these days I have my G.E.D and also my CNA license. There was a lot of running away and troubled behavior but I never did turn to drugs or alcohol and for that I am proud of myself. I met my now ex boyfriend of 6 years when i was 15 and entered into a highly abusive relationship. This cause my anxiety and depression to continue to worsen. In 2011 I was able to break free and I met my current fiance the love of my life. Things got much better from there but were still difficult. When I became pregnant i dealt with awful awful depression and when my son was born I was hit hard with post partum depression as well. I fought as hard as I could through all of it and am proud to say I am still standing today..But there are many things that my anxiety and depression have held me back from. Going back to school, getting my drivers license, and wanting to go out and be a part of society.

With my fiance came his wonderful family. His mother and his two sisters and brother. The most recent cause of my extreme anxiety and depression is the fact that I had heard his brother talking a lot of bad things about me behind my back. He was calling my great aunt names and was accusing me of being a liar and all sorts of other things. I finally confronted him through ***** which took every bit of guts I had but I could not let it continue any longer. He has pulled things in the past as well and this was my breaking point. He replied with a very hurtful and unaplogetic message. For once in my life I felt like I'm not going to bow down and deal with being stepped all over. I deserve an apology or he's out of my life. He would not give in so I told him he was out of our lives until we recieve the apology for his actions. Ever since that night I have spent countlless hours over analyzing my actions, my feelings, and everything in between. It has never been like me to stand up for myself since my anxiety always holds me back. I do wish I had kept my mouth shut at this point but the other half of me knows I am right in what I said and to stand my ground. However the loss of sleep and appetite had gotten so bad I made an appointment with a therapist and psychiatrist which is a huge step for me and proves just how bothered I am by this. I'm writing in here in hopes that others understand how I feel and can reassure me that I am doing the right thing...or if I'm not doing the right thing help me with answers on what can be done from this point. I am feeling very lost and hopeless and I know with all the things I've been through in life that this should be the very least of my problems....but with anxiety everything is blown up and in your face so much more. Thank you for listening and glad to be a part of this community.
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Offline Sylvanas

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Re: New & feeling a bit of relief that I've found this website
« Reply #1 on: February 11, 2014, 09:18:12 AM »
You did right to stand up for yourself. Don't let idiots pull you down. Enjoy your beautiful family, in the end they are all that matter. You have been trough so much and don't let anyone walk over that. You are strong and you should realize it fully. Haters gonna hate, but they are not important. Those that deserve you will stand by your side, and with your son, you will always be loved and never be alone.
Seeking professional help is also a good decision. You have done best for yourself, don't feel bad about it.
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I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past me I will turn to see fears path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing......Only I will remain

Offline clippergoodwill

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Re: New & feeling a bit of relief that I've found this website
« Reply #2 on: February 11, 2014, 11:56:03 AM »
Agreed - you did the right thing by standing your ground. You'll always second guess your actions with family, that's normal, but you seem to have a good head on your shoulders and know the right thing to do. It's odd how family will sometimes be the first to try to bring you down once you overcome setbacks. I suppose not all family is good family. Congrats on your little boy's birthday, I don't think there can be a greater gift to a loving couple than that of a child.  :action-smiley-065:

I also grew up with substance abuse problems at home. As a child, I watched the effects of drugs and alcohol on my own mother and grew up with the problems that caused. In retrospect, it's actually surprising to me now that I've only recently begun to feel any symptoms of anxiety. As a child, there were nights I couldn't sleep, and would stay home while my friends were going out, just to make sure she didn't go crazy and do something stupid. Some good did come of it though, my brother and I saw what substance abuse did to our mother and to this day, neither him or myself touch alcohol or drugs. We're not going down the road we had to watch and live with our mother.
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